By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Ego and self-confidence are both a part of our psyche, but how do we balance the two to esnure we don’t get carried away with either one of them?
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Ego is ‘ i’, what ever decions you take to feed the ‘ i ‘ within you,they need not necessarily be always correct,while self confidence means taking the correct decisions at the correct time and standing up for yourself at all times.
self confident is…”I CAN DO IT”…n ego is…”NOONELSE EXCEPT ME,,CAN DO IT “
Hi Sanjeeb good morning
Ego is about self centered, self interest,self concern it is only pleasure of ones self,and self confidence always accept reality and say without delay ” I was wrong”. They have a sense how to make a balance in their …lives because of positive thoughts,Certain amount of ego is necessary for growth.Loving yourself is good but thinking i am the best is not good.Keep nurturing in your self confidence ego will remain at bay.
Have a nice day
Ego is my way or now way, self confidence is doing it for the right reasons.
Sogyal Rinpoche, from Glimpse of the Day
Ego is the absence of true knowledge of who we really are, together with its result: a doomed clutching on, at all costs, to a cobbled together and makeshift image of ourselves, an inevitably chameleo…n charlatan self that keeps changing, and has to, to keep alive the fiction of its existence.
In Tibetan, ego is called dakdzin , which means “grasping to a self.” Ego is then defined as incessant movements of grasping at a delusory notion of “I” and “mine,” self and other, and all the concepts, ideas, desires, and activities that will sustain that false construction.
Such grasping is futile from the start and condemned to frustration, for there is no basis or truth in it, and what we are grasping at is by its very nature ungraspable. The fact that we need to grasp at all and to go on grasping shows that in the depths of our being we know that the self doesn’t inherently exist. From this secret, unnerving knowledge spring all our fundamental insecurities and fears.
Lifetimes of ignorance have brought us to identify the whole of our being with ego. Its greatest triumph is to inveigle us into believing its best interests are our best interests, and even into identifying our very survival with its own. This is a savage irony, considering that ego and its grasping are at the root of all our suffering.
Yet, ego is so terribly convincing, and we have been its dupe for so long, that the thought that we might ever become egoless terrifies us. To be egoless, ego whispers to us, is to lose all the rich romance of being human, to be reduced to a colorless robot or a brain-dead vegetable.
To end the bizarre tyranny of ego is why we take the spiritual path, but the resourcefulness of ego is almost infinite, and it can at every stage sabotage and pervert our desire to be free of it. The truth is simple, and the teachings are extremely clear; but I have seen again and again, with great sadness, that as soon as they begin to touch and move us, ego tries to complicate them, because it knows it is fundamentally threatened.
However hard ego may try to sabotage the spiritual path, if you really continue on it, and work deeply with the practice of meditation, you will begin slowly to realize just how gulled you have been by ego’s promises: false hopes and false fears. Slowly you begin to understand that both hope and fear are enemies of your peace of mind; hopes deceive you, and leave you empty and disappointed, and fears paralyze you in the narrow cell of your false identity. You begin to see also just how all-encompassing the sway of ego has been over your mind, and in the space of freedom opened up by meditation, when you are momentarily released from grasping, you glimpse the exhilarating spaciousness of your true nature.
Two people have been living in you all your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to. As you listen more and more to the teachings, contemplate them, and integrate them into your life, your inner voice, your innate wisdom of discernment, what we call in Buddhism “discriminating awareness,” is awakened and strengthened, and you begin to distinguish between its guidance and the various clamorous and enthralling voices of ego. The memory of your real nature, with all its splendor and confidence, begins to return to you.
You will find, in fact, that you have uncovered in yourself your own wise guide, and as the voice of your wise guide, or discriminating awareness, grows stronger and clearer, you will start to distinguish between its truth and the various deceptions of the ego, and you will be able to listen to it with discernment and confidence.
above is a nice writing on ego and confidence
Self confidence help us to get rid of the EGO which is the root cause of many miseries in our life…..Balancing is the key…
Great !!! “Ego” and “Self Confidence” … a very fine/ thin line in between…
“Ego” or “I” is a tiny atom. Your consciousness of your own identity, a feeling of pride in your superiority to other. ” I KNOW AND WHAT I KNOW IS RIGHT”..
“Self …Confidence” : Self confidence is realization of one’s own potential / one’s ability, one can build a better world…
But over confidence will lead to an “Ego”…
Sanjib… that’s what I think but I want to know more from you to understand better.
Love
Kalyani
HI Sanjib, Wishing you a beautiful Confident Morning!!!
Amazing questions you give…emotions of heart and mind are very part of nature and though it seems very simple to say about these feelings but itself these are very complex isssues tha…t need to be analyzed from time to time..
Self-Confidence And Ego both are so closely related and there is just a minute very very fine thread like line between the two i can say that it is like a LAKSHMAN REKHA..like in Hindu MYthology Sita was inside that line and she was safe and secured but in ignorance she crossed that line and entered a world of misery and danger .
Same ways is our hearty feelings when we are self confident we are safe secured and wonderful but if we cross that fine line that is not realised by us we enter a world of misery and EGO makes it a hell..
When we al the time think about how high people have reached how good looking they are how high status or high profile they so unknowingly we think low about ourselves and that is the reason of our losing self confidence…and that losing of self confidence means you lost yourself only…So i believe Self -Confidence is that very beautiful part of our naturre that is so vital for our survival so in no case we can afford to lose it..but if we all the time thinking about just our self and think high of ourself that I came in mind that I am the best and people around dont know much like Me that feeling brings Ego and we start thinking badly about others and there starts feeling of hatred jealousy and other negative emotions…and that brings Heavines and Misery…and this effect our belongingness with others…so when we say we belong to you that dissolves the ego in between us and other person…and relation becomes beautiful….
Most of the relations break because of the EGO part of one of the or both of the partners or friends or colleagues of business partners…
so too much of ego breaks the sweetness of relation and intimacy..so we have to be careful about these feelings while maintaining our relationsships… but i must say that here again we have to be careful that We must not lose our self-respect and dignity also to maintain relations..dont bring ego n self expectaions in between but never become victim of others hard feelings also that crushes your self confidence…
when we normaly talk wtih people at head level and intellect levels then theree are chances of ego coming in between as then we try to prove ourself that we are best or we try hard to impress people or we feel that how come other person doing well than us n start thinking negative also…but in heart to heart talks the feelings are nicer and in love we break the ego..and in soul to soul talks like with divine people or guru our ego dissolves completel like we a drop merging into ocean so where are the chances of I …I becomes WE …My becomse Ours..and then no ego no distances as EGO brings distance and non belongingness. and dissolving brings out our own beauty and self realisation of ourselves..only…
But like everything these emotions also should be chekced continously even if we feel dedicated and loyal and feel that there is no ego left stil we should not take it for granted ..as you wil not even realise when it came in path of our devotion and dedications..and beauty of dedication geting distorted ..so maintain that beauty by reassuring the feeling analysing the heart and mind and soul and their combinations altogether…dont think too much but keep your sixth sense awakened to realise the body heart and mind leverl feeling checking…so that I that is part of our each n evry corner inside dont make it attached with body level to make it miserable …combine it with SOUL and feel beautiful and feel the ENERGY AND POWER…AND SELF REALISATON…like divine Shakti that keeps us moving and upliftings..
thank you so much Sanjib..for giving this emotional aspect all these emotional aspects are my favourites topics to discuss and analyse… i love this..
regards and love …Rekha….
very well written Rekha as always
Woww Rekhaji very well explained!!too good..
When someone thinks his answer is genuine & a word of “Wisdom” its his “Self Confidence”…
But when someone thinks his answer should be “Liked” by people is his “Ego”…
I believe self confidence to be a state in which others feel very happy and secure to be around you, whereas ego makes those around you very uncomfortable and indifferent towards you.
A very simple way to ensure ego hasn’t overtaken your self-confidence is to observe how others behave and feel around you…. if after having interacted with you, someone feels lighter and happier, know your self confidence has been at the forefront… if someone feels heavier and upset having interacted with you, know your ego has taken the driving seat…. this simple observation is a great way to keep your ego/ self condifence balance in check
try it, you’ll see what I mean:)
That is so right sanjib….these are words of real wisdom….very true indeed!!
Wow Sanjib…great advice…yes we feel that sometime it happens when we see people around us behaving diferently to our same kind of attitude or words..but i was not able to analyse that why it is so..but so nice of you i wil defintly try …that these words reach the mind and heart as well not as words only but in form of implemenations also..so that we can instanly know what is going on and anytime if ego taking place knowing and analysing it can make us realise and we can come back to our natural state of self confidence…and feel happy and others around us also stay happy cheerful and light always..
thanks you so much for ur great words and thought as always..!!!!
Wow Sanjib !!! Thanks so very much for this simple way to make us understand the difference between “ego” and ‘self confidence”… I agree with you totally…
hey guys…great comments so far, keep them coming…..more everyone shares, more we all learn:)
a little more about ego…. most feel that they need to destroy their ego to succeed on the spiritual path, this is not necessarily the case. Ego is just one of 7 layers of our very existence which leads to our ultimate consciousness. To achieve moksha (enlightenment) we must move beyond ego and not destroy it.
Sri Ramakrishna once said that even liberated souls who walk this earth possess a small trace of ego (although with these realised beings, the ego is so small it can easily be transcended at will).
Ego has its purpose….ego can drive you to become the best person you can be, to achieve your highest potential and unleash all your god given gifts. The essences here is that we must be in control of our ego and not let our ego be in control of us.
Once you have an overall control of your ego and use it for good purposes, then I believe you enter the realms of self confidence. The more closeness you feel with someone, the less likely the chance for ego to show it’s head and the more likely self-confidence will prevail.
A personal example would be last week, when I asked you all to give me a testimonail for my website. Had I asked from a space of ego, straight away you all would have realised and I doubt anyone would have written anything.
Yet, because I have developed such a close relationship with you all, I consider you all to be a part of me and thus it became so easy to ask you all to for some positive feedback to share on the website. The closeness I feel ensured self confidence came out on top and not ego.
The balance is fine, but the more you become aware of these two facets within you, the easier it becomes to control them both.
Sanjib yes so true and can i share guruji words on this..There is positive aspect of ego also…Ego drives you to do work..A person will do a job eithere out of compassion or out of ego..Most of the work in society is done out of ego..But in SATSANG…work is done out of love..EGO is separateness…non-belongingness.It desires to prove and possess..when you wake up and see there is nothing to be proven and nothing to posees . ego dissolves…
yeah we can realise tha close relationshsips between us all like close friends and today only we were discusing same like one person have though other writen in words and someother saying that yes we were feeling the same and thus a bond a connection is felt between us between members of wisdom club..as we all sharing and caring discssing and overcoming our fears and weaknes together…we all are one now..like beautiful flower of GARDEN WISDOM CLUB..n you are taking care of us so well…with afection and care…god bless you…
@ Sanjib… Grt Words of “Wisdom”…
@ Sanjib………Great !!! You were confident about our love… so there were no place of ego…
I like your this statement,”we need to control of our ego and not let our ego be in control of us.”…
Yes, Life is all about balance..
…Thanks for the love and care…
EGO – happens when HE (the persons around you) goes away from You…
Self Confidence – when Self Confides …… happens when you are in peace with your self…
Self Confidence must be just in balance to keep EGO restrained to a level where HE stays with you always !
Ego means the I attitude that only i know ie superiority complex wheras self confidence means abiding in ur true nature with humbleness and aimed at welfare of everyone how to balance this is only with awareness and knowledge devoting every action to god that the divine is doing this action thro me and seeing everything as a play also regularly doing sadhana and being soaked in knowledge will only help to remain in balance
EGO & SELF CONFIDENCE is a two side of a 1 coin.. both sides hs the same importance itself… only the use of that coin, is depend on the owner.. i mean to say the use of POSITIVE WAY OR NEGATIVE WAY ?? That’s it…
Can get tricky sometimes…
Great discussion!
Discussions must get us thinking and assimilating what is brought up by everyone…and this discussion did get me thinking, yet again! Just wish to add –
Do we realize that ego is not only when we feel “I’m superior” but most of us are trapped harder by it’s other quirky side–”I’m hopeless,” “i don’t deserve anything good,” “Guruji talks so many times to him…not to me…probably I’m nowhere near as evolved as he is-that’s why…”–Rishiji once said that this is even a harder crust the ego forms, and harder to shun!!! We even tend to glorify this kind of thinking. We think it is ‘being humble’!! In reality, putting oneself down is nothing but ego…!
Self-confidence has in itself a balance–where you cherish both your own qualities and others for their qualities too! Confidence comes from cherishing self-worth….one’s uniqueness and contribution to life as much as others’ contribution to life too! All are needed in this creation (..that’s why they are here!!!
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Ego to me is like the little finger on our hand….not very important but part of the hand nonetheless! You don’t cut it off and throw it away because it is a nuisance…rather it has its function too. As has been said in the above discussion the ego helps us to better our capabilities, So we don’t fight the ego or beat it up…but rather accept it’s there, and simply ‘put it in your pocket…’ as Guruji says!!
As far as the balancing of the two goes, one must keep a close eye on one’s self—do self-study– see if self-confidence isn’t becoming flavoured with things like “I’m the only one who can be this good…” instead of “we are all wonderful !” and surrender to the Divine that which is upsetting the balance. This kind of self-monitoring has to be done on a regular basis…that balance is the key!!!