By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Forgiving someone implies taking the higher morale authority over another’s action. It comes directly from the space of ego where the “I” decides to forgive “you”. There is nothing but a sense of separation in forgiveness and can only take one further away from one’s inner truths.
Yoga empowers us to feel connected with this entire creation and feel a sense of belongingness and love. Vedic philosophies actually determine consciousness to be nothing more than a divine representation of love. However, it is the distortion of this love that causes the imbalance and problems we see in the world today. Jealousy, fear, hatred are all gross distortions of love and roam freely, moving from one mind to the other. It takes a composed and controlled mind to with stand these forces, as the tendency of our mind is to cling onto the negative.
No matter how bad a person or situation may be, the truth is always rooted behind every action. No one needs to tell a burglar his actions are wrong, deep down inside he already knows (whether he chooses to listen to his inner voice is another matter, but deep down inside the truth prevails). On many occasions to escape ones guilt, an apology is given to help ease one conscience but a verbal “sorry” can only pacify at the level of the ego. The act of verbalising a “sorry” somehow allows individuals to escape the responsibilities of their actions and not delve any further into themselves to uncover what they really feel inside.
To accept someones apology once they have done wrong, is actually to deny them the opportunity to really move within and truly listen to what their consciousness is really saying. Accepting an apology is merely pacifying one’s mind and giving a false sense of friendship to a wrong doer. A soul who truly repents their actions will show their true feelings through actions not mere words.
In fact, only a coward apologies with the shallow conviction of mere words; as we unfortunately see with most people today. A true Yogi may accept another’s apology out of compassion but in essence its only the small mind being appeased. Never accept an apology, rather allow your perpetrator to redeem themselves through taking the right actions to rectify their wrong doings. The ability and conviction to do so is the skill of a true seeker, as it allows the the other person to rise above their ego and small mind, and thus enables them to truly act from a level of consciousness. Rejecting a verbal apology when done with complete awareness is actually an act of compassion in itself.
Where you find a person unable to take the right actions, their apologies must never be accepted. In fact, there very presence must be avoided. Swami Vivekananda would say, “those who stray away from the path, reject them like poison”. It takes a strong personality to adhere to such principles, but a true yogi can only ever become strength personified.
The topic of this post works at a very subtle level, as it moves beyond the realms of how our everyday minds have been conditioned. But then yoga, is all about moving beyond the world as we know it… and ultimately seeing matters as they really are… as one existence, as just one unadulterated truth.
very rightly said, Sanjib! This is truly the essence of vedanta…
Parag Shah
What a beautiful and well thought out piece Sanjib. I hadn’t thought of forgiveness in the realm you have explained it and quite succinctly, you have provided a refreshing perspective i can only hope to practice. Not preach.
Thank you… for being you.
very nice write ups..keep it up!
So Profound ! You have given Forgiveness a completely new meaning . I must say its not easy to follow since we are all so used to getting into the formalities of Sorry’s and Thank you’s however as you rightly said this is what Yoga teaches us …and as long as we are on the right path im sure sooner or later these principles would be easy to apply …it would be all effortless ..Hope so Thanks Sanjib … Very nicely written
Sangeeta
Sanjib you have explained this so well.
Very true. Paradoxically, the word “sorry” has itself become an excuse to dampen one’s wrongdoing. It has become popular now to believe, in the name of spirituality, that the wronged should be all too forgiving to the wrongdoer. In the process, we’re only winking at unhealthy behaviour rather than addressing it. True it is that a yogi naturally rises above wrongs perpetrated against his person (not as an act of grace to the other but simply – I understand -because he does not operate at the level of insults and praise, and has transcended right and wrong); he nevertheless does not hesitate to be extremely strict, almost unyieldingly so with his disciples whom he believes need to improve.
your words are truly inspiring and I enjoy reading them after a day at work
Sanjib, you have done it again, very rightly said, interesting distilled together with the coat of spirituality around it.
Well said but very hard to practice in today’s Kaliyug, but we are moving into the mini-Satyayug in a few years, no wonder these principles are coming to surface.
- Thanks again for this.
I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive. You can accept the verbal apology while looking for and also accepting the correct action of the offender.
Good post.
Sanjib ji,
Hari Om !
Your message may please be divided into TWO parts- Respecting & Forgiving. Firstly, people should pay respect to each other. Respecting others is an attitude. It does not simply mean wishing the other person or getting up when he/she appears. Respecting other people mean that we believe that the other person is a decent man with civic sense & honesty.
It means that you don’t expect the other person to be rude, harmful, distrustful or disgusting. This depends on what one believes oneself to be. If one believes in his/her integrity then others too will appear similarly but if one has no integrity then the other one too will appear the same. In short a thief recognises another.
Respect & fear are difficult to differentiate. In a gang, members fear each other. In an office too the juniors fear the bosses. At school we generally fear our teachers but later in life when we meet them we respect them. So you see, respecting others is simply respecting one self. It is to see one self in the other person.
Without respect for others it is difficult to function in a society. ‘Karma Yoga’ ( selfless services to His creatures) helps in developing this ‘BHAVA’. NO DOUBT, Yoga empowers us to feel connected with this entire creation and feel a sense of belongingness and love.Secondly, if the attitude of respecting develops, the attitude of forgiveness grows automatically. ……… .. it’s a natural phenomena. So the first part is more important. Thanks for your
article …….
Best wishes,
Swami Brahmavidyananda Saraswati
Sanjibji, I read the article, it seems interesting.
Yet, I would like to add, even though what you say maybe true for realised souls, for the ordinary person, forgiveness is very important.
We constantly carry our anger, shame, disgust with us at all times. This causes not just mental but phyical problems as well. Learning to forgive is very lightening for both body and mind.
When people get angry, they usually tense up, which causes that negative energy to get stored in body, usually in shoulders, neck, knees(depending on what type of thought it is). People keep collecting all this anger all over their life, which is why they turn in to bitter, sick old people.
Forgiving someone means letting go of all the garbage we have collected. The other person still gets the result of their karma, its just we break our link with that person.
luv,
Shantanu
When people get angry, they usually tense up, which causes that negative energy to get stored in body, usually in shoulders, neck, knees(depending on what type of thought it is).
Dear Shantanuji,
I had lived in an opressive enviromment for about 15 years, where I had to face humiliation in some form or another quite often. I have a baggage of bad memories.Sometimes they get triggered and then run like a chain through my mind. With passage of time, I have realised that the unpleasant experiences were neccessary for my growth as a person.They made me look inwards and develop coping mechanisms.Yet, sometimes when the train of memories runs, it still fills me with anger. With time, I have learnt to control it better.It is an ongoing struggle against myself to overcome the negative feelings the memories produce.
For the last eight years, I have arthritis of the knees. Your mail says that accumulated negative feelings cause illnesses like these.I would be very grateful if you could elaborate on this.This is a new insight which I find very intriguing.
Regards
r_mukherji
r_mukherji, whenever we tense up or get angry, or humiliated, or sexually excited, we have programmed to view these things as bad, so we try to remove these thoughts. We do this by tensing up the body, which causes the mental energy to enter the muscles. The muscles keep storing this memory over our whole life.
Try to imagine an angry person- clenched fists & teeth, tense shoulders/neck. All that persons anger is going into the muscles.
Later on, when we try to relax, the body wont let us,as it tries to release all that negative thoughts, but they make us uncomfortable, so we try to suppress them again & cycle restarts. Thats the reason most people cant meditate- all the garbage they have collected starts coming up as soon as they relax. Thats why just sitting quietly is so imporant.
Anyway, we carry all this tension in our body at all times, especially nowdays, when continuallybeing outraged/ angry is considered fashionable- thats the whole goal of our media. Obviously, there is only so much tension the body can carry before it starts failing. Quiet a large percentage of our diseases come like this.
Thats why you have people who get cancer, have it treated, then get it back after few years. Thats because they didnt change the mental patterns that had caused them to get the disease in the 1st place. Cancer is caused by suppresed anger, deep pain & longtime hurt that one refuses to acccept.
If you more interested, the book “You can heal your life” by Loiuse hay gives more detail. In the end she gives many diseases, & the mental patterns that cause them. So removing our negative thought patterns is more important than treating the disease, which is just a side effect. Just a few examples from her book:
1. Knee problems: Stubborn ego and pride. Inflexiblity, fear, unable to bend or give in.
2. Headaches- Constant self criticism, invalidating the self.
3. hip problems- fear of going forward in life. Nothing to move forward to.
There are several ways to fix these problems. The 1st is to accept that you have them. Looking at your self in the mirror, & saying out loud the opposite of what you problem is. So if you always angry, saying “I am a calm peaceful person”. This is a sort of self programming. In extreme cases, one can directly touch the muscle & try to release the negative thoughts, but that requires some personal guidance.
love,
Shantanu
Amazing explaination, thanks so much Sanjib for enlightening all of us.
Love,
Paras Antwani
Thank you for your answer. It is true that stress causes our body to tense up and might result in diseases.I have a doubt, however. I visited a cancer hospital and saw many children( some were very small) afflicted by the disease.In their case, it could not have been due to accumulated negative emotions.
Regards
Rwitoja Mukherjee
Rwitojaji, these rules are not mechanical, you have to look at each case individually, & then decide.
luv,
Shantanu
This is quite a different aspect regarding forgiveness..I really liked it…but u know for myself i always felt that even if i feel sorry from my heart for anything wrong done…it is really difficult for me to say sorry
..on the other hand i dont accept the sorry from persons who keep saying sorry and then keep on repeating the same behaviour…that makes … me feel more irritated that why they say sorry if they wont to correct d mistake…
but after reading ur article ..i think i m not so much wrong in my thinking…that if somewants forgiveness they shud show in actions not in words….
but sometimes word also carry d weightage wen we cant s ppl..n cant convey d real feel on our faces n eyes or actions… then it becomes necessary to use these words of thanks or sorry ….gr8 work Sanjib….to pull out different aspects of different feelings….(:(:
jealousy,fear ,hatred all r disrortion of love….well said…
just a thought came like a relation of friendship gives love,affection n care ..but simultaneously it gives a feeling of jealousy in subconsciou mind with frnds of d frnd..
a fear of losing d friend…so with love n affection comes negative feelings also…that is why we r HUMANS..NOT KRISHNA or God…but d tactics is to overcome these negative traits by knowledge ….n just keeping d LOVE…(:(:
very nice write up explain it very well thanx
Thanks sanjib your articles rock……
thanks guys for all your sweet words!!
Simply beautiful!
Thanks Sanjib,
)……….
That was a very differetn perspective to forgiveness………..actually got me thinking about all the SORRY’s I have ever said to others
Loads of food for thought………
I agree…..your articles are awesome. Simple things and such lovely meanings ! “
Well said Sanjib
This is just one aspect of forgiving..what is suggested however is that you accept your own fault in the given situation, give and seek forgiveness, to close the loop: rather than just aim to gve forgivenes, which definitely is taking the higher moral ground, and in any case it takes two hands to clap….so forgiveness…seeking and giving without rancour and ego is spiritual.
quite true sanjib i too hv similar thoughts like anju-definitely the ego has to b separated n only spiritually inclined people can forgive -not everyone–
i did read it and its so true…………………
Maybe forgiveness is not a spiritual trait but I feel forgiveness is a big step towards healing oneself.Holding onto grudges create toxicity at all levels.A deep felt forgiveness is an amazing cleanser…
But normally people feel week to you if you forgive them.
A completely new insight into forgiving and seeking forgiveness.. Thanks, Sanjeeb.
I agree with what you are saying. Nevertheless, I believe that the intention and sincerity of the forgiver and the seeker of forgiveness, is more important than than the actions of the same. If the actions are carried out with complete sincerity, then they can be purgatory and have the desired cleansing effect on both.It does take humbling of the ego to sincerely seek forgiveness. Also forgiving can be an act of true, unconditional love, if done in the true spirit of love and friendship. Under such circumstances, both can be uplifting experiences.
to add to ur beautiful wisdom, myself having a apps. diff. perspective of Forgiveness. As u c 4m d ancient world history till now, in vedas & upanishads & all the scriptures, its just a flavor of forgiveness from all d saints or grt ppl which has elevated them & seperated them 4m a general human… y bcos its nt only forgivin bt a constant embociment of benefit of d society was the aim ….. Secondly, forgiveness brings a mental couarge to accept al d things very easily & be unhurt than… its takes us away 4m d consciousness of I & MY… when these two are dissolved, it means its only Spirituality flowing……. god bless.
very good article, but i have confusions all through our lives we were taught that we should learn to forgive and we also teach our children these kind of things but after reading ur this article i totally agree with ur opinion and i believe that we should change the whole concept of forgiveness
everybody should know and follow
Stuff I never knew about. Pretty good.
Sanjib: Nice article! Yes, as you say forgiveness doesn’t have the value & impact it is supposed to have if it is not pure and unadultered by ego of the person who forgives. The goal of forgiveness is often forgotten..
yes, that is true
Who forgives and who’s forgiven? Who’s heard the tree in the jungle fall?
Sanjib..I couldn’t resist pasting the following extract from Paulo Coelho’s blog…very relevant for this post
SINCERE REPENTANCE
The monk Chu Lai was beaten by a teacher who did not believe anything he said. However, the professor’s wife was a follower of Chu Lai, and demanded that her husband had to apologize to him.
Displeased, but without the courage to deny his wife, the man went to the temple with her and murmured some words of repentance…. “I do not forgive you,” replied Chu Lai, “go back to work.” The woman was horrified. “My husband is humiliated, and you were not generous!”
And Chu Lai responded, “Within my soul there is no rancor. But if he is not truly sorry, it is better for him to recognize now that he is mad at me. If I had accepted his apology, we would be creating a false state of harmony, and this would further increase the anger of your husband.”
I enjoyed Anju’s pasting. In the conventional world let’s live honestly applying the worldly wisdom wisely.
Forigeness is seemingly directed towards the”other” but it’s effect is enjoyed by oneself! Peace and joy to all!
I liked your theme Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win. ~Jonathan Kozel
Impressive, very cool post indeed.
your article is very useful for my vision also for my studies
Sanjib,
above statements reflects the mind which is on the initial stages of Spirituality.
As consciousness and awareness grows in spirituality the aspirant finds these things as small and insignificant.
Whether you forgive someone or not what does this makes difference. When aspirant never consider that ego and this whole world is an illusion.
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