Frequently the notion of finding one soul mate in this lifetime seems to rear its head over and over again. What are your experiences and views on this sensitive topic? Statistics around the globe show that over 50% of all modern day marriages now end in divorce. Given these startling facts, the question needs to be asked, which union has a better chance of succeeding, an arranged or a love marriage?
Personally I believe the conflict primarliy lies within our minds. Intuitively we all know what we really want, but the small mind often interferes and makes decisions based on societal acceptance as opposed to what the heart really dictates.
I cannot believe how many people I know who have married a certain person just to keep their families happy, and thus forsaken the ones they truly love. Who on earth are they trying to impress?
When you follow your heart and trust your gut instincts, I firmly believe you will have a much greater chance of true happiness than to simply do what others expect of you.
Whether a marriage is arranged or instigated through a chance meeting, the fundamental components of trusting your intuition remain the same.
Marriage, whether love or arranged, in legal terms is a contract where the partners agree to live together, form a family and provide each other comfort and love. It is a fact that in life, marriage fulfills our innate need of love, family and a purpose for living.
Whether love or arranged, Marriage can provide comfort, if there is unconditional acceptance of your partner. This acceptance starts from physical level (love at first sight !), progresses to an emotional level and beyond emotions to spiritual level.
At the physical level, strong attraction causes couples to commit mistake of commiting for higher levels of acceptance. Most broken marriages, whether love or arranged, happen due to this mistake.
Progressing to higher levels of aceptance, requires a commitment to love and grow in love. Pure Love does not recognise the limits of marriage. In true love you can progress to spiritual levels with any number of people, without touching the physical level..
Love or Arranged- is only a first step in marriage… In successful “Happy” marriages true love blossoms and the couple grow spiritually… the way the journey started doen’t matter.
For the less fortunate couple who divorce, the way their journey started cannot be blamed for the loss… for them its an missed opportunity and we who witness it can only make them see love.
If marriage is decided in heaven,why there is debate between arranged vs love marriage? don’t the couple that is meant to be together will be together no matter wht type of marriage they under go.If u have a true meaning of love in ur relation ships then it can be happily last longer.So simple thing that take your parents in confidence if u are liking someone they are also imp.without their blessing there is no joy.
such a great question – lots of controversy too
I know alot of great marriages that were arranged as well as many that were based on love. And vice versa. However, with arranged marriages, there was a lot of societal pressure to stay together and that pressure is simply not the same in a culture where the norm is to marry for love.
in addition, the expectations are simply different with either one, so people need to gain a better understanding of what they are getting into and what will be expected of the relationship. they need to understand the reality of the situation, the families, the values and be on the same page (I think that is a little easier with arranged marriages bc that is an accepted part of the selection process).
therefore, i don’t think it is really all about the arranged or the love factor. i think it is a reflection of the current society, the maturity and flexibility of the two people involved and a certain element of luck.
hi sanjib-any one of them will work as long as understandin n synchronisation n respect for each other’s values s there–n d willingness to b together-i feel!!
Arranged come love is 100% successful………
”
I feel that whether its a love marriage or an arranged one, Marriage is said to be akin to nurturing a plant.As a seed requires proper care and nourishment to develop into a plant, so also marriage requires constant, love, patience, proper understanding, gratitude ,appreciation ,giving regular time to each other etc ,Only then does it prosper or else both the marriages fail.It requires sensible effort on the part of both partners to make it work as the nature of two ppl never stays same through out the life and there is a constant change in the interests too.so have to keep working on it constantly.:)
Nice topic
… Marriage is a GAMBALE!! does not matter kalyug satyug or mordern age and again not even what kind of marriage it is love, arranged or love cum arranged……what really consists of a marriage is the williness of two people to make it work not just one..otherwise its called an adjustment or compromise…..other than that a marriage shud consist of trust, love,decent amount of space, respect for each other and their families aswell…but the love has to be really strong from both sides it overcomes everything…”
A very interesting topic.
As everybody has said ,in both cases its a sacred bond between two individuals.And if this relationship has love,friendship,understanding & compromise as its base, would last a life span successfully.”
I think an arranged love marriage is the best. i am enjoying.
Of course, as long there is love in the relatioship it wil work .. .arranged or not arranged …
both can be a disaster in absence of commitment ,sacrifice nd ……smhw i dnt like usng the terms adjustment nd compromise but yes they too play a significant role but on second thoughts in love all this just comes naturally…..nd wrks wonders be it arranged marriage or love….:)
Hi Guys, personally I believe the conflict primarliy lies within our minds. Intuitively we all know what we really want, but the small mind often interferes and makes decisions based on societal acceptance as opposed to what the heart really dictates.
I cannot believe how many people I know who have married a certain person just to keep their families happy, and thus forsaken the ones they truly love. Who on earth are they trying to impress?
When you follow your heart and trust your gut instincts, I firmly believe you will have a much greater chance of true happiness than to simply do what others expect of you.
Whether a marriage is arranged or instigated through a chance meeting, the fundamental components of trusting your intuition remain the same.
It’s only “Commitment” which works in relations. Lack of “Commitment” can mess up even “Love marriages” & your “Commitment” for relations can make your “Arrange Marriage” very “Lovely”…
thanx Romy
as long as there is unconditional love patience trust understanding in any relation and u follow ur heart then whether it is arranged or love marriage it should work
Arranged marriage is “while u r walking unfortunately a dog bites You .” But love marriage is “Going near the dog saying, katle… Katle.
an arranged marriage which culminates in unconditional love and trust
love & arrange,it totally depends on both da parties,like i belive it more depends on a gal how much she go a head,but now a days the main problem failure of any relationship is due to lack of tolerance,short temper,more they fail to understand each other in depth.,
but when it comes to love & arrange marriage,in love marriage,the expectations are very high from every point of view,at the end,mostly end up wid divorce/seperation.As far as arrange marriage is concerend,husband/wife r bound to live together in true sense,Instead of cursing the darkness, try to fix the lamp……..A woman can be patient with her husband’s poverty, unattractiveness
and busy schedule, but she cannot be patient with
his rude behaviour…so both parties sud see n ananyze their behavior n fix them accordingly.i wud go arrange marriage.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Mark Gregory, Sanjib Mukherjee. Sanjib Mukherjee said: Discussion – "In Today's Age, What Works Better, An Arranged Or Love Marriage?" http://ping.fm/xYV8S [...]
Hi guys, I liked the whole discussion very much. arranged marriage or love marriage is just the options for individuals to choose but I do not think there exists love marriages. Love always happens independently. marriage is just the attempt to secure your love and decide (arrange) to marry since you are afraid of losing it. but Love happens and can happen to anyone anytime.
some people love their big houses, big cars. some are fancy about their pets(cat , dog ). they call them by names. unfulfilled desires always wants to complete anyhow anyway. if you love truly, there must not any desire to marry. if you marry the person you love, there are unfulfilled desires that wants to complete its cycle.
but marriage is human-made thing, do not relate it with love. Love is divine energy into being. you cannot marry with love. love and marriage are miles apart. Love is highest level while marriage is distortion of love in this world.
Marriage is always arranged and will be arranged in future somehow to raise you to highest pure level that is love.That is why Hindu religion, there is concept of one-marriage. if marriage represents love , then Hindu would have allowed a hundreds of marriage. our culture is very scientific
and know the fact and howto attain love that is always universal. you can always love at time whole universal. you cannot love specifically. if you truly love your husband/wife , then at the same time you love whole universe even me that is why our great Hindu religion appeals to worship one God that you love or like consistently for ever or one husband/wife forever you will reach the same point where saints goes.
please forgive me if looks hard.. but I speaks what I feels…
Again Do not be confused about marriage…. love marriage or arranged… it is great science behind it just to make you true human being from animalistic nature to divine nature….
please forgive me if it looks hard.. but I speak what I feel…
how can u decide unless you experience both………..its just in mind….mine is arranged marriage and i am really lucky to have a person who really loves me, trust me and understands me very well from last 9 yrs
You live in India and we live in North Europe. There is our distressing reality – more than 50 % of marriages are divorced. So most of people prefer to live together without any marriage. Neither arrangement, nor love, nor future plans or engagements. Lot of children grow in incomplete families (only with their mother, but without father). And the … See Morelife partner is usually treated as a thing to use (suitable or not suitable for personal needs). If not suitable – then good bye and good luck. It’s a great pity…
I agree wid urvashi’s views-u need to experience n get into it then u can decide n comment-
ya can understand marija’s point of view-it s not all that bad here n india-but basically be it livin togther or marry -both need to b compatible n happy n give space to each other-with or without kids d relationship of d couple shud b a give n take one-otherwise none of these relationships can exist happily for long
-kids s of 2nd priority-yes wen a couple s committed am sure they will find out d ways to bring d kids’ up till they r mature enough to face d world-n a relationship of a guy n a girl-love,belief,acceptance,realisation,receivin n giving,n persistence n most of all imp factor-willingness to b together happily –for whatever time they stay together–i hope i am clear on this pt–!!!
Thanks Rekha …. as long as I kno am married 2 d person i lov, be it thru an aranged format or d othr, d marriage wil succeed ….
@Anjali : Wow !!! Liked it when u said :the couple that is meant to be together will be together no matter wht type of marriage they under go. @ Rekha : Well Expressed
thanx komal
Any marriage works on love/commitment , respect and trust fr each other..looots of patience too. Before marriage we see only the good of the partner, and dont really mind his/her shortcomings. Marraige does changes us and there are times when we need to compromise/adjust. We dont call it compromise when there is love. As long as the partners feel the need for each other,the relation will work.
Marriage works better when you are arranged in life and ready to love the one who would be you better half !!!!!
thanks komal…i am really feel concerned about my young friends…so really want to disuss such issues that are bothering all of you…and these discussions may bring certain points with which we al are unaware sometime and this may help you and others to decide that path of journey to your destiny…the path may be difficult but i hope destiny must be Genuine and WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE..
Hema, Puja,Meena ,Anjali ,HIral and komal,deepa…thanks a lot…for liking my views..
SANJIB thanks for sharing your valuable comments… intuitions and heart both help us to find our perfect partner. but sometime just heart lie to us…so in this complex decisions of life…a liitle bit of care is needed.. heart ,intuition and your own dreams and your own life style and atttitude, your own goal of life , your own purpose of living shoul be taken into consideration…as i wish that life partner should encourage and enhance our goal of life rather than discouraging and keeping us away from our goals or purposes
…being in MARRIAGE BOND SHOULD NOT DISSOVE OUR TRUE SELF..ME PLUS ME SHOULD BE US..BUT STILL TRUE ME SHOULD NEVER FAIL…TRUSELF TRUE SOUL SHOULD ALWAYS GLOW AND SHINE
..EVERY PARTNER SHOULD HAVE ITS OWN VALUE IN SOCIETY..NOT JUST WITH THE NAME OF MRS.. so n so ..shoule be the identity of a woman…it shoud remain when it comes to her own soul upliftment..thanks n regards to all….
A very interesting topic. As everybody has said ,in both cases its a sacred bond between two individuals.And if this relationship has love,friendship,understanding & compromise as its base, would last a life span successfully.
In any relationship u frist need 2 no each other vy well.
@venumadhav…. Try figuring out..thr must have been a confussion sumwhere at the time u followed ur heart…as Rekhaji says our heart sumtimes lie….ya we at times r very sure abt ourselves and know exactly what we want but we are not too sure abt the other person…and that is when the confussion arises and ends ones life in confussion itself..
Most discussed topic.Nice! kudos to all the views..
so marriage is not mandatory. Only ppl who truly need it must do it.
Thank u.Great thoughts everyone!
A)i think if both hubby and wife are deeply into spirituality, then everything will work out just PERFECT!
B)Humans are living in planet earth for 70,000 years now.All our religious scriptures which support the idea of … See Moremarriage is at the max. 5000 years old
C)Guruji & Enlightened Masters, give us all the strength and courage to be self suffice so we can stop expecting “something” from other and go beyond.
D) but anyways, Nothing is better than LOVE!
Finally Osho’s view on marriage:(Note: Happily married ppl ignore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ocbZhRQS9I
LIFE IS GOOD. SO REJOICE
Love marriage, coz its working.
Thanks Hema for liking…
Thanks for giving this topic… it’s getting more interesting by different views…
A million dollar question, Sanjib ! In both the cases, the couples need to work on their marriage for it to succeed. It is not how you get married that is important but how you live after you tie the knot.
Besides the high divorce rate, the number of ‘honour’ killings that are taking place in our country’s capital and the neighbouring states like Haryana are really alarming. I don’t understand how parents prefer their daughters be killed rather than seeing them living happily with their husbands who their families don’t approve. Very sad.
Love marriage, coz its working. JGD
marriage is boring. if u see a bored couple walking by you can be certain they are married. if they r not bored u can be certain they are not married. marriage is a social phenomenaon its an institution. we know that our love is not permanenent towards a fix person. it is bloomed in the morning and gone by the evening.
therefore we human being has created this social institution of marriage backed by the ragistry office, the police, court and society. we know if there is no legal boundage a man or woman will run away. couples dont believe each other they dont have faith on their love. they know that if there would be no societal or legal boundage it would be very difficult to live with each other. Love is eternal it does not understand the language of law and society.
Love is an another thing and marriage is another. Marriage is our need. It can be with love or without love. But its a need. There is a boundage in marriage. But love is all about freedom. Married couple need each other they seldom love each other. That’s why osho has said,”marriage is hell”. But love is heaven. Love is important not marriage, love is cosmic, its eternal. marriage is superficial, shallow and narrow. “
a different perspective altogetheer..if noone believing in instituto of mariage then how the society will run…we get maried for social, financial,emotional securities too along with love…it may be true that some couple dont show off much about their love but there is still love inside of everyperson for his or her partner
..we may not realise this in good times but in oodd times of life..when husband or wife get into some problem or disease who else can supprot more than life partnre…yes other frinds give emotional support i agree..but life partner is totally invloved in ur evey single problem..with you..yes there are mood swings there are phases when in life everyone feels that we got into such a headache by geeing into marital bond..but this happnes in every relation best friends also sometime dont agree 2 each other n may come to break up point…same way marital relaton also have ups and downs
…because of circumstances…aging ..kids their relation get affected but still this relation has its own value and in case can be called boring i guess..love is there for each other that supports fight againss anything to protect the partner…
so it is deep ,,and pure ..like fire if we believe in it…
if not it may be superficial or narrow as kundan said..
Sanjib!!!!!!! YOU TRULY ROCK MAN!!! Simply awesome!!!! Been waiting to see your views on this all day! That’s EXACTLY it!…people do this almost ALLLL the time!!–and when things go berserk they just end up resorting to mud-slinging…poor souls! Somewhere we have to look within and trust, as you said, what our instinct tells us and not simply resort to people pleasing–be it parents, peer pressure, or society at large. We have to love ourselves enough, be kind to ourselves mainly for that –to be able to love what our heart says!
♥
wow…great discussion and some very interesting points of view. It’s funny how our own personal experiences shape our opinions:)
Gave it a thought, and decided that how you get into a relationship is not as important. What’s important is knowing how to maintain it. As long as there is growth in love, trust and understanding – arranged or love; neither could go wrong.
@ rekha, mam you also agree that out of need we get married, for security and support in odd times and sometimes due to that need&want love arises.If a person gives me food i start loving him. Due to need, want and fear usually people get married. These type of marriages are” needy marriage”. Love can be with or without marriage and at the sametime marriage can be with or without love.
But all successful marriages are love marriage, even an arrange marriage have to be love marriage without the element of love it would be “flap marriage” or a complete “hell”. Love is important than marriage. Its easy to live without being married but difficult to live without love. As far as running of this world and society is concerned Nature is capable of doing this, we human being are only toys in the hands of nature. Even without these man made institutions life and world had run and will surely run. “
greatt..but what I feel is better than insticts is if you trust urself and stick to whatever decision you take t s always right…if you regret the decision is wrong..so make to right by trustin urself ..what say?”
In arranged… all things are arranged by ur elders and in love- the couple has all the things arrangements made..
Its actually the life after marriage that matters, how well tuned a couple is with each other and how well they adopt and adapt with circumstances after marriage.
Thanks
Whether you fall in the water willingly or unwillingly, your clothes will get wet. Similiarly whether you enter the institution through arranged or by chance, you will be going through the same emotional ( highs and lows) rollercoaster ride, that comes with the package.
I have seen both types of marriages working and failing.
Human relationship is very complex and I truly believe that each one is special and unique, it cannot be measured by a yard stick. What is good for one, may not be good for another.
However, one thing is for sure an alliance like this with another individual should not be done in haste and extreme care should be given to really make it a perfect union. Marriages are made in heaven and we get what we deserve: whether our partner gives us heaven or hell depends on our karma.
I personally like the concept of arranged marriages as we make enquiries and ask for references and find out about each other’s interests and hobbies. Its more like character study.We just dont delve into it because our heart says so, we do it also through wisdom and vivek. Getting into a relationship is very easy, what is needed most is to mainatin and sustain the relationship. And that is only possible when two unite not only for love and attraction but also through sound character and deep moral values.
On this note may the ones already married find “rab( God)” in their spouses and for the ones who are still seeking, may your alliance be an example of a perfect marriage. God Bless!
wow…great discussion and some very interesting points of view. It’s funny how our own personal experiences shape our opinions:)
Gave it a thought, and decided that how you get into a relationship is not as important. What’s important is knowing how to maintain it. As long as there is growth in love, trust and understanding – arranged or love; neither could go wrong. That’s my opinion:)
Thank you for sharing Kulbir. You speak from your heart which is were universal love resides within you which is the same truth of universal love within all and everything – Yes as you said, “Love is divine energy”. We are all individual forms of one loving consciousness ♥
depend upon the mutual understanding…sometimes the % is high in love marriage as compare to arranged marriage…but all depned upon d understanding, maturity and how you understand d sitaution and the person…
As Long as there is Respect, Love, Involvement and commitment and suffiecient Space for eachother to understand eachother as INDIVITUALS,, any kind of marriage will stay healthy..
It Shud Only have Love Not Compromise,, if any relation starts with a compromise and Not Acceptance, it will have no strong foundation which is bound to lead to …
Divorces.. when ther is No Heart to Heart connection.. it is bound to be bitter
As i have read it somewhere ” when marriages are good, they are Air tight, when Cracks develop, they only grow wider”
The main reason for most of the divorce is misunderstanding between the couples.
“Before marriage: Girl believes that her man knows everything in this world.
After marriage: Girl comes to a conclusion that he does know anything. ”
Marriage is most important in ones life, actual it the deciding factor of future for both.
Another most important one os ego(major cause for all troubles).
Younger generation couples argue for everything in life(give and take policy is fading away….).
They donot give respect to each other family members. Which puts them into frustrating suituation. Eventually their inner respect becomes suspectible.
Marriage is all about adjustments and compromise whether love or arranged…there should be lot of room for communication and give and take.
What seemed so hunky dory when you were in love, could be totally the opposite after marriage….one has to be patient and work towards it with a positive frame of mind….most of all love should be the bonding factor and should not let it fade.You have to continuously work towards it….and keep the spark alive.
Hello Sanjib,
hmmm…u seem to have chosen a hot topic…too many views & interesting ones I must say.
I look at marriage as gambling…some win some loose!!
…doesn’t matter whether arranged or not..
Love
Deepa
For me Marriage…is “Love”….accepting your partner..as he or she is..
Why do we always seek love…why can’t we give it unconditionally….
May sound unrealistic…But that’s what marriage means!!!
wow,an interesting ,enlightening discussion…….my viewpoint…………in luv marriage expectations r more coz both of them have shown each other their guuud side more,other side comes up when they start living together.In arranged marriage the couple is not sure about what they are getting themselves into
…So in both marriages partners have to be tactful in handling imperfections of their spouse,then nothing can come in the way of their successful marriage…i think it makes some sense???
marriage is a union of two souls with unconditional love and committment
Nice topic…thought to share my views also…
Most of the successful marriage whatever I have seen, based on understanding, adjustments and couple socially dependent on each other… not important true love is there or not, if yes, very good…. But they are successful and happily married couple in front of the society…..
I have seen the rate of success is higher in “arranged marriage” than “love marriage”, may be in both the cases level of commitment / expectations is different.
In “Love marriage” , you get married after your probationary period (honeymoon period) is over and your job is secured with lots of expectations, if you do not meet then problem starts very easily
and in “arranged marriage” you have the six months probation period / honey moon period after marriage and also you have family supports, by the time your probation period is over, most of the time, you are in your family way and a bonding develops so rate of success is higher than “love marriage” …. I think so.
I look at marriage as gambling also … some win some loose… … does not matter much, either it love or arranged…
Everyone has not born to do the same task….
Kalyani
In today’s world, it doesnt cost much between an arranged or a love marriage. It mainly depends on an individual’s dimensional thought force, response to human relations and ethical values.
imp is that u r happy no matter wht kind of relationship u r in………….but having kids in life …….being mom and having dad is very imp……..if u r not happy .if u r in doubt abt your relationship then u have no right to bring any new born in this world. marriage will be perfect if we understand that other person is NOT perfect and accept as he or she is……