Discussion – “Is Marriage An Outdated Institution?”
By Sanjib Mukherjee,
In ancient times, the highest honour bestowed upon a woman would be placed on a loving and doting housewife who worshipped her husband and built her life around her children.
For a man, the highest honour would be for he who cherished his wife as a living devi (goddess) and lead a moral life filled with dharma and happiness. Marriage was seen as a beautiful and complete union between two souls, where the co-existence of a man and woman would propel them to rise to their highest spiritual potential.
However, in today’s fast paced society, over 50% of marriages in the west, end up in divorce and more and more people are postponing marriage in search for a career, independence or even for their own spiritual purposes. So the question the becomes, is marriage still as relevant and revered as it was in our ancient times, or has it become an outdated institution?
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I don’t think marriage is outdated but it is not as important today & women especially are not so dependent & need not marry 4 security… but a life long compatible (<<< the key) partner is nothing to scuff at when values and lifestyles are the same… and both are happy… and remain happy… and of course children benefit from a happy and stable home – but plenty of children of divorced and single parents manage just fine too…
As far as i think MARRIAGE is such a sweet n strong bond between two persons..more stronger than any relations of dis world…so i think it can NEVER NEVET B OUTDATED..
especailly in indian society it is so privileged n who truly understand n are involved n understand d value of this relationship wil never deny this…that most powerful changes in life only comes after this bonding
…yes there may be so many cases of separation but they are with those ppl who never ready to compromise and adjust in this…some ppl are extra possessive or extra materialistic approach..or extra carrreer oriented they they give up d relation becos of all these factors
…but if both d partners respect each other and love each other giving them a little space to grow their personalities individually also…then i dont think there wil be such disasters of divorce or breakups in wedings…
so like in every relations share and care is imp to keep it alive…in this weding share n care n to be best friend of ur partner is absolute requirement…n EGO OF ANY OF two can bring problems
…and sure there are difference of opinions but they can be completementary to each other if they understand …n can complete each others demerits…n then they can do wonders not only for themselves but for society..but weding is very imp to give a person emotional.financial n social security…
-one shud giv it a try once but other relationships ard equally important and can work out better and happier n more lasting–my views-
“What is marriage supposed to be,then,if not a delivery device of ultimate bliss?”~From the book ‘Committed’ by Elizabeth Gilbert. Ultimate book on marriage and relationships.One can find all the answers here.Must read.
marriage is like gambling.some wins n some r extreme loosers.
-but most of the time in gamblin too-things and situations are temporarily happy n secure-etc-just forced compromises
–so gambling with life and relationships is not beleived by the youngsters nowadays
its actually difficult in india where there is man dominating society. Whether you like it or not. You are helpless if u are not financially independent.
one who tries then only that person speaks
Ever thought why we call only ‘Marriage’ and not any other relationship, an institution ? The secret, actually lies here. Institution sounds like a society in itself like school, college or a company. It has its rules. and it is not so personal that you come and go as per your wishes. It is bound by a contract apart from emotion.
You decide to run a company and upon getting loss in first year you do not sell it. You take some time, borrow some loans (advice) from banks (experienced elders) and give it another try. Only when you find that company is in loss year after year after year, you try to declare yourself bankrupt.
All other relationships are either need-based or thrust upon us from birth. Only Marriage is something where we think about our duty towards society, and that is why we can not take this as a personal matter. A breakup between two friends or between two brothers doesn’t make more problems than a breakup between life partners. What about kids and what about the elders for whom that institution was a shelter and an emotional security.
The moment I think about me and my rights ONLY, relationship is over. This relationship feeds on respecting each other’s rights. There are times when ego clashes occur because we are imperfect. But if we go on deciding who is superior or who is correct, there is no hope. Otherwise, if we think about the impact on family as a whole there is a slight hope, at least.
The moment you decide to connect with somebody there is a flow of energy. This energy creates a round trip by entering in your body/soul, leaving you, entering in your partner’s body/soul, leaving partner, again entering you. This is invisible to eyes. What is visible to eyes is representation of this energy that is money, career etc.
You give some of it and take some of it. Similarly your partner give some of it and take some of it. If you don’t want to involve in this exchange, better not join this institution. It has rules. For this institution, freedom means feeling joined and bondage means separation. Some call it exchange and some say compromise.
I understand there are exploitations too, but this is not because of this institution, but because of people. Fire burns but you do not stop using fire, instead you use it in controlled way.
Looking at it scientifically too it is found that married people are physically and psychologically more healthy than singles.
There is a beautiful audio on this topic by sri sri Ravishankar – “Marriage a commitment”. It answered a lot of questions for me
Hey guys…I learn so much from everyone..it’s me who is grateful:)
Yah personally I think marriage is a beautiful and life enriching concept, but at the same time it does seem as though very people have developed the skills to handle their own thoughts and emotions, let alone cater to those of a partner.
I don’t think the problem is with marriage as such, it is more to do with individuals and their own concepts…..
but then again, as a single guy..maybe it’s too easy for me to speak without real life experience….. but it is interesting reading everyone else’s views!
I don’t think marriage is outdated even in this day and age and it is always a basis for a good family. However I feel that there are definately different demands laid out not just on marriage but on relationships in general. I think the divorce rates were perhaps not as high previously because one or both partners felt that they needed to stay in a relationship and a divorce would basically be frowned upon by society. The difference now is that those things are not as important and people are not as patient and willing to compromise as much.
absolutely the truth
confused…..get out of confusion and marry that girl who loves you …”as you are”……………….
Marriage can never be an outdated institution. As the times have changed,the expectations from this institution of marriage have also changed. Wife is no longer expected to be subservient to husband.
Actual problem arises when there are ego clashes. We dont give 100% to our relationship then only we feel suffocated.It is a beautiful relationship when there are no IFS & BUTS in it,with just a healthy acceptance of each other’s flaws
very well said
Yeh, I firmly believe in a perfect union, you don’t see any flaws, just characteristics which make your beloved so unique… with acceptance comes a sense of seperation, as in ” I accept you”… this is where I feel ego begins to grow….
going beyond acceptance and merely observing someone for whom they already are, that I feel is the basis of a strong union…… but again, easy for me to say as a bachelor I know:):)
And for that union to bond stronger… there should be Communication.. Understanding.. Love and Respect….this is actually what makes a marriage beautiful….
institution or not, marriage should be love marriage not arrange.
which I have missed.
I have a very basic response to this hotly / heavily debated topic –
All relationships are destined and are therefore an attraction of karmic bonds.
Society is changing, so are circumstances. Just like technology is advancing with newer platforms – TV on internet, mobile etc – companionships are found in many ways. Choices of finding a compatible person have increased with internet / mobile, increased easier /cheaper travelling etc.
So, people are also getting more confused. Aggressive / aspirational lifestyles are keeping people in a time pressured whirlwind…
We need to rise to a higher state ( thru meditation/yoga )- get rid of illusions, negativities to connect to our soul – only then can we find the soul – mate na !!!!
So the karmic attractions to soulmates have become challenging – we will be attracted to those with the same level of happiness / sadness ( WITHIN )…thats why people who have had similar tragedies / experiences get attracted easily unless u connect to your deeper ‘self’ and stay focused on what your soul desires.
Can a very spiritual person get attracted to a non-spiritual person?. One can be in love but companionship cannot occur.
And when it does – marriages fail or become challenging… its not an outdated institution. It has become complex with the choices and circumstances we are living in….Companionship created by nature cannot die – it has changed into several levels.
Now, may all single people find happy companions – and existing companionships enjoy their union and blossom many more such offsprings !
I love what Kahlil Gibran says on Marriage
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
“The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods.”
I think we are not being realistic when we say that we do not see the flaws. No one is perfect,everyone has some positive & some negative qualities & why do we want to shut our eyes to this reality?
Why cant we be wiser to take this positively?
We are trying to make them improve means that we are being judgemental.We think that they are flaws but our partner might think that its perfectly ok for them.WE should try to change ourselves first according to them
everyone knows what are the weak point in themselves..
and everyone knows he or she not going to get a perfect person..if one gets a perfect partner then also there life wil be monotonous and boring..so gradually n effortlessly after wedding partners come to know about each other
…and then some of the things and positive effect of each other brings change in them…and some of the weak points remain no more weak points or flaws
,…but keeping in the mind the good qualitiies of your partner gives you a chance to ignore some of those things which are not so harmful..and love can change the negative things also positive…
Beautifully written by Kahlil Gibran…thnxx for sharing Kavita..:) Kahlil Gibran has put it so beautifully , the experience and the summary..i pondered over and found it very very insightful…
Btw : Discussions like these should be promoted more and more..great going everyone..very insightful al your views…
And being a bachelor..readng the above beautiful discussions make me yearn for a union wid my destined lady more and more..:)
No it is not outdated, Marriage is still a beautiful thing to happen, but two people have to make it happen,
When two souls emerge in true love, there is no need for an “institutional” bond – the golden glow that surrounds them is enough…THAT is beautiful to experience! The eight chakra´s golden glow…
Human love in marriage can never last unless it’s purpose is to express divine love- paramhansa yogananda
No..true marriage is a union blessed in the bridal chamber by the great invisibile spirit, also can you please remind the people that yoga is the science of Brahma, not what they want it to be and to use it for anything evil and or to gain power over others for personal gain is a crime extremelly punishable and and it is the emerging of the personal soul with the impersonal soul.
We are not slaves of any hateful and unknowledgable creatures in any way shape or form and or formless. Sri Krishna says in the Gita, when irreligion is on the rise, I body myself will destroy it.
JAI SRI SAT GURU. KRSN AUM
Marriage is definitely a fantastic institution, but the rules surrounding it should not be looked at from the perspective of the old times…..
Some tweaking is required and this is where the whole “Institution” aspect fails….
My concept is that Marriage serves nature and brings two souls together …and if the couple is happy what else can be a better sight
not outdated but now it needs to tango!!!!
Thanx Sanjib for starting this beautiful discussion.(start something relating to communication with teenagers…..)
for sure Anjana..:)
thanks for all your passion and replies to this post, keep it up:)
Marriage is a wonderful concept.It has to be handled beautifully with respect ,give and take and adjustments which keep it moving and flowing .:-)
I am sure that one time marriage was a beautiful, a spiritual journey undertaken by two people on the same path to achieving ultimate bliss. Nowadays, however, this is seldom the case.
In the world today there is so much misery and so many people are unhappy. Many people dream of living the fairy tale fantasy where a woman, living in some dire, helpless situation is waiting for a man to her rescue her from her misery so that they can marry, have children and live happily ever after. It is a beautiful archetype and is the basis for almost every single fairy tale and romantic film ever produced. However, it is little more than a story, and reality rarely, if ever, follows this model.
So many people see marriage as an end to suffering and misery, and the beginning of true happiness. Whereas in actual fact if two people who aren’t that happy in life go into marriage without any knowledge of how to handle their problems, surely they will just amplify their combined misery?
@ Sanjib – I do aggree that the problem is with individuals, and to a certain extent with the societies in which we live. I think before people get married, they need to be spiritually grounded first. Most people these days marry with unreasonably high expectations, and when they find that these expectations aren’t met, further misery ensues.
@ Kavita – thank you for quoting Kahlil Gibran, I love The Prophet, it is full of so much wisdom.
Now, I do strongly believe in Love, as this is something which I have experienced myself, and in fact continue to experience on a ongoing basis. But Love is something which has arisen inside me due entirely to spirituality and not due to marriage or even having a partner. So in fact I would argue that Love transcends marriage. So much so you will notice I have capitalised the first letter of Love, whereas I have afforded marriage no such honour
And I agree with Vinay, marriage IS a legally binding business contract, a means of VALIDATING the love between two people in the eyes of the state and/or the church. However, if I love someone, I don’t need anyone in the world to approve of this for me, as true Love is its own expression.
The root cause of misery is that most people who get married are living predominantly in the “I want / I am lacking / I am seeking” mode. If they were living in the “I want to give / am lacking nothing / want to share” mode, then this will alleviate a great deal of problems in marriages. But to get to this place, both partners need spirituality.
Thanks Ali for your amazing views…please do keep sharing your insights, everyone will benefit..:)
@ Ali – Thanks Ali..Even I love The Prophet…
Marriage is a wonderful concept.It has to be handled beautifully with respect ,give and take and adjustments which keep it moving and flowing .:-)
no it is not rather it gives a place of respect to both the man and the wife and it is a way to keep out the social mishap on any cultured society ….though times have changed but the institution of marriage has not changed even today pre marital sex is a big question and then same after marriage is not….so why brake certain set of rules which are indirectly for the benefit for all living being on earth
Yes, it gives respect to both, but how do both handle themselves in marriage? By giving respect to each other along with lots of understanding amongst them!!!
My perspective is influenced the Advaita of such Sages as Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi, which some might call a little “fierce.”
Theoretically, marriage could be a way to loosen the ties of ego, which we generally believe to be one of the goals of our spiritual practices. By my theory, a marriage is no longer “I” but “we.” Some sacrifices and surrendering of the individual ego for the sake of the union will undoubtedly have to be made at times. Of course, to do this without conflict is also desirable, so there has to be compatibility. So to me, marriage is ideally a spiritual union in which two individual egos are merged into one, and this union submitted to the One Who is the True Self of all. So in this way, I don’t see marriage as outdated but actually timeless, but probably very hard for some to do.
On the other hand, it seems that in some marriages today it’s a matter of two strong egos, two “me”‘s which can come into conflict. Perhaps these people might not marry successfully.
Marriage is an outdated concept that forcefully keeps people tied up and overtime, there is the feeling of being taken for granted. Is marriage in line with the law of nature ???
People marry for many reasons, most often including one or more of the following: legal, social, emotional, economical, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of love.
Marriage is must to equilibrium social and natural law.
According to my survey on net, marriages results into divorce/separation at the high peak of 55%, around the world. This is purely due to the attitude of TAKING AS GRANTED. Because of mis-understanding, lack of understanding, and higher expectation marriage fails significantly. The main reason is freedom.
A couple feeling that they are tied up with one nail. They are feeling suffocation due to lack of enthusiam, eagerness for their partners. The selfish behaviour is the main reason behind that.
One who understands this pious relation, they will surely care for the same.
Marriage cannot be said outdated, coz people are there around the world who believes in it and strictly follows traditions of any country of the world.
To me, marriage based on love, commitment and trust can never be outdated. What is outdated is marriage that is based on compromise, economics and power dynamics, which unfortunately means a Lot of marriages.