By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Question: How Do I Cope With The Death Of A Loved One?
Sanjib: Thank you for asking such a sincere and heartfelt question. Recently (14 months back) I lost my father, the greatest man I have every known. He was my inspiration, best friend, guru and greatest companion in life and honestly speaking, there isn’t a single day which goes by when I don’t think about him and the memories we had together. These memories are always a great source of comfort and encouragement as I continue to face the rest of the world.
So long as someone remains in your heart, they never really leave you; so why the need to ever feel alone? Sure their physical presence may no longer be here, but knowledge and experience of yoga shows the body to be just the outer layer of our existence. Beyond the realms of physical matter, we have elements such as the mind, intellect, ego and higher conscious states. Death can not touch any facet but the body.
The body is a wonderful instrument for housing our inner being, it is a mind blowing gift bestowed upon us all and perhaps we sometimes we forget that the body is just a simple entity given by nature. Think about it, did you create you skin? did you design your intellect? did you choose your colour? did you choose your height? did you decide on what day you were to be born? did you decide how much hair you head would hold? …. obviously, the answer is no… we have been blessed with every single aspect of our body. A body is made of nature’s elements and one day will return back to its roots. My father started of life as a micro-organism which then transmuted into a cell which then developed into a physical being. When he passed away, we cremated his body, where his he was reduced back to being the size of a micro-organism and finally returned back to his original natural source.
Though the body comes and goes in a transient manner, our inner being (comprising love, feelings, emotions, memories, intelligence, ego, mind etc) remain eternal. Our inner being is the true essence of whom we really are, and no matter which religious or philosophical doctrine you belong to (Islam, Hinduism, Atheism etc), the fact remains our inner self is nothing more than a series of energy vibrations, remembering Einsteins laws of physics; energy can never be created or destroyed, only moved from one form to another.
Awareness of our true inner existence, combined with the knowledge of the impermanence of the body, gives a grieving soul an immense amount of comfort and satisfaction. Hindu funeral rites now actually prescribe that after cremating a person, you then read chapter 2 of the Bhagavad Gita, where Krishna explains the realisation of our true selves and how the body is a mere tool to be used and then discarded when no longer required.
Grieving is never easy, and coping with the death of someone you truly love and respect can never be resolved by mere words alone. The days after my father passed away, so many people were quick to offer so much advice and wisdom, when all I really wanted was something to fill the void I had inside, without actually speaking any words. By delving deeper into the beautiful knowledge of yoga, what should have been an extremely traumatic experience actually become a wonder and amazement at this whole adventure we call life. I miss my dad, but never feel sad, as in reality he has not gone anywhere…its just his body which has been returned back home.
I truly believe if you were to follow what I have written above, you too will effortlessly sail through your current predicament and come out of any lingering feelings of sadness or loss you may feel. There is nothing I am advising you to do, which I haven’t followed myself. The yogic scriptures were never meant to be an encyclopedia of thoughts and tales, but a living guide as to how we could overcome any obstacles in life and carry on moving towards our highest destination.
Trust me, when fully immersed in knowledge, there is nothing in life that can even remotely touch you…not even death. Awareness of our true nature is the quickest and most elegant way to sail through life, as its only then, you realise that no matter lies in front of us, it’s nothing compared to the power we have behind us. Move forward with this thought and I guarantee your burden will be significantly reduced in an instance.
The body comes and goes, but true love remains forever…
All My Love,
Sanjib
hii….jai gurudev..have read ur views ..you seemed so clear about your views ..such an insight..you are a spiritual guru ..Awesome ..!!!
Very touching !!!
Nice article Sanjib……
Losing ur near n dear ones is someone’s biggest fear in life i personally believe..but your article gives the strength to cope up with the trauma n what actually a human being is, is his/her inner being..people go far away but their blessings are always with us..thanx 4 the knowledge sharing.
thanks Neha, yeh its never easy but hopefully, the article can help those who have lost someone, come to terms with everything..
TRUE life moves on.
but it is easier said than done
Is it you Sanjib,………..very impressive & irresistable
Soothing ….Divine knowledge…
yes…what u say seems logical…you have explained loss lucidly….that its..transition….a new beginning more than an end… trylng to absorb all that still…and thanx for making things sound real….and seem real…instead of a sermon!
This is my first time i visit here. I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your articles, I guess I am not the only one having all the enjoyment here keep up the good work.
So nice have read your time in the words..therr were continous slides of you.. in mind while reading through the words,all shown only one thing a meditating person with tears rolling down…
Yes truely beautiful.I lost my husband five months ago. Pain is there I miss him. He was truely a good human being. With the knowledge we can go forward in life. I like your blog very much and read all of them. Thanks for posting such good thoughts for us.
reading your article reminded me of my father-in.law and dad both..I realy miss them specially my fathr-in-law who was a constant source of inspiration for me..but destiny took them so early ..we still needed them in our life..but god needs good ppl there also with him…
today is guruji’s birthday I was wishing him..and was feeling so good n smiling…but looks like so much smile can be dangerous..so a little drop of tear mixed with those smiles..feeling heart full of grratitude and thanks for GURUJI…
thanx sanjib for this article ,i lost my father 4 months back on same date and today i read this article.very touching but gives lot of strength.
thank you sanjib! the article is great!!
thanx a ton sanjib..i m really touched..i hv lost my mamaji 3days back..i really luv him n missng him very much:( bt after reading dis i hv gained alot of strength..
Very well compiled article touching on a very sensitive issue,readind this article gave me great enlightement…..
Sanjib This is absolutely true. I have always believed that the soul never dies.Its difficult to cope with somebody’s death in family but when u realise that the soul is alive its only the body that is gone it gives us immense strength to live. Very good article.
THANKS FOR SHARING THIS VERY GOOD PIECE…..
It is true, that healing takes time and everyone deals with the passing of loved ones with the tools that are known and available to them. Whether it is religious rituals or other activities, we need time to adjust to the new reality of not being able to experience the person in the physical form. To call the point of view logical would be inacurate, but rather to call
it something that resonates with you. This activity does not need to be measured by others, it is as personal as your connection with the individual, therefore there is no prescription, but guidelines and points of referance. Much like the entire spiritual process of discovering yourself and the world around is a personal journey.
Finding the wisdom in aincient scripts, modern day tools or people around- are here to assist us in this process. The feeling of being alone and left alone is as much of our physical nature as any bodily sensation, but realization of this as a limited and temporary process is a step to discovering a larger view. This is what the scripts try to convey to us and we refer to them again and again.
We are not alone, we are togerher.
Peace and love to all,
Eve
Very apt, Sanjib.
Would like add: all sorrow arises from our attachment to our ‘self’. If we are able to detach our ‘self’ from the emotion and just observe it in an impersonal way, we can actually see the emotion rising and subsiding, like waves in the ocean. We can observe that eventually its hold on us reduces to the extent that we are able to detach oueselves from it.
This is a skill that needs to be practiced at all times, not only at times of sorrow but also during the onslought of any intense emotion like fear, anger, envy etc. With practice, we can perfect the skill until nothing can touch us any more.
good work
nice
Sanjib, your blog is really good one and it came to me as a timely help…. Thank you….
Smitha…thanks:)
hey sanjib i missed out on this–yes noone can replace the place of the near one who s no more-but we shud subconsciously try and make d relationship complete in our mind-n feel yes whatever we shared will b remembered by us-n to forgive yrself if u have done sumthin wrong to d person etc-to close d relationship with a gud memory—thats wat i feel sanjib–
Hey Sanjib, I am visiting your blog for the first time. Thank you for sharing such beautiful thoughts. I m sure that I shall be visiting your blog regularly now. Thanks once again …
Hi sanjib,It was really very touching.I lost my father two years back and there’s not even a single day goes when I don’t remember him.Your blog is really very good.Thanks.
So nice of you giving us directions and knowledge to be able to cope up with different things in life with your thoughts and articles…. considering each and every aspect regarding our roles and emtions both…for success carrer wise or intellectual enhancement wise…
but today you have touched that topic that is most touching ..as one person adjusts make compromises, sometimes hurt or good makes his way through life as closed ones are their for support but losing someone very close to you…shatters completely any one..especially wen closed is eithr parent or life partner..becos these two losses one cant take it as easy like other losses..
this affect the whole life further..giving your own examplse you make easy for ignorant ppl like to understand easly..what u want to convey..this is very nice article giving strength to cope up wid greatest loss yet not being shattered urself…and by reading this we can also realise that it is universal truth of birth and death …we are not the only one who came to this world and we are not the only one who lost one of our closed one.
I want to say one coment by guruji today that PAIN IS INEVITABLE BUT SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL..I REALLY LIKED THIS..N APPRECIATED..have lot to say but i think i have already writen so much…just this I love reading your thoughts..
Death of any loved one is one of the most difficult and strange experiences to deal with but especially the death of a child. For a parent to lose a child is an unnatural order. We expect to go before our children so the pain of passing of the child is unbearable. The most powerful and full proof solution to dealing with death is the path of spirituality.
When death occurs, suddenly the veil of illusion or “maya” opens up for the bereaved and they experience intense pain of separation. If we can constantly live outside of this illusion then we are able to face death with ease and see the whole life as a game or “leela” and nothing more.
It is a fact that we are all one. There is the all pervading spirit that resides in all of us through which we are all connected. So if we can truly connect with ourselves we will feel the connection with our loved one. This is a very deep subject and needs to be explained well to the bereaved but I can only say that it is a fact and it is possible to ease and ultimately be free from the pain of death.
Most people have so much attachment to the bodies that they believe they are the bodies and like wise they feel that their loved ones also are the bodies. With understanding we realize that it was the breath or the ‘pran’ that was real. The proof of this is that as soon as the ‘pran’ leaves, the body has no value. Everyone knows this and yet they can not comprehend the higher truth.
Knowing this fact intellectually and yet falling apart when death occurs, is what is known as being entangled in “maya” or illusion. When death occurs suddenly the veil of maya opens up for the bereaved and they experience intense pain of separation. If we can constantly live outside of this illusion and yet be in this world then we are able to face death with ease and see the whole life as a game or “leela” and nothing more. Yes this is possible.
I am aware that this is easily said than done but I only have the courage to write this because I practice this. I can also offer many practical day to day suggestions if some body is interested. Please feel free to write to me on this thread.
with love and care
Vijyalaxmi
Hello Sanjib,
I lost my father 8 weeks ago and miss him intensely at times.Your very insightful guidance helps me very much. I can sense my father’s presence and blessings daily around my family and I can now begin to have a different relationship with him, in the next phase of our life here. love and good wishes,
Jiten