By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Question: - “How Do I Help A Loved One Out Of Depression?”
Sanjib: So sorry to hear about your situation, but you know the solution is very very simple…I have seen so many people slip into into depression and the only way to snap out of it straight away is to serve others.
Depression comes when you become self centred, and only think about yourself…”Oh why did this happen to me, Why am I so unlucky, What harm did I do to anyone etc”…. when your life is centred around just your own goals and desires, life becomes a very small and uninspiring…
Today, 50% of the world’s population will not have dinner, millions of children will starve to death, millions of young girls will be raped, so many people are facing so much hardship in this world. When put into perspective, ask whoever is in depression, “Do you really feel sad and unlucky today?”
Take your loved one to an orphanage, or a hospital for terminally ill children…let him see what really suffering is, let him understand just how privileged he is to have a home, food on the table and a family to care about him. A lack of gratitude and sincere appreciation for what someone has is usually the cause for any self imposed misery.
I know this all may sound a bit harsh, but it’s also the truth…… your loved one needs to take a good look at themselves, and expand their way of thinking…….. if their previous positivity was only based on their desires, then it was no positivity at all….. this is an opportunity for him/her to really see what life is about and to really question their existence and purpose on earth…
If they are unable to take a broader perspective on life, then it’s up to you to drag them to the places I mentioned above. Once he/she see’s a 5 year old orphaned girl, recovering from being brutally sexually abused, once he see’s a mother consoling her son who is about to die a painful death from cancer, then ask he/she how feels about their depression
Sometimes we need to be brutally honest with those we love, that’s the sign of true togetherness….. it may take a lot of skill, patience and persuasive powers on your part to snap the person in question out of depression, but the only way is to force them to take a broader look at the various injustice prevalent around the world
You know as I am writing this article, I remember watching the news a few years back, when a reporter was interviewing a 7 year old child in a war torn country in Africa, who had witnessed his parents being murdered and mutilated in front of his own eyes. He was then made to watch whilst the perpetrators murdered his siblings and entire family, before somehow escaping with his 3 year old sister. He was now being forced to not only look after himself, but take care of a little baby. Everyday he had to walk 6 miles with an old bucket to bring back water for him and his sister to drink. He had no support, no help, no guidance and no understanding of why this had happened to him.
As if this story wasn’t heart wrenching enough, the documentary then proceeded to show hundreds of children who were in exactly the same position, but there was something extraordinary about this story. All the children got together and realised the only way they could survive was to help each other out. They all served one another for whatever they needed and not only were they able to sustain themselves in a world which had totally forgotten about them, they also managed to have the biggest smiles you could ever imagine. They were able to laugh from the depths of their being, and they all had an enthusiasm and inner strength which defies belief. Once again, I would ask your loved one “So how unlucky are you feeling today?”
Depression is nothing more than a state of mind, expand the mind and you beat the depression. Taking the nicey nicey approach where you indulge someone in their misery or even worse sympathise with their thoughts is the worse thing you can…you will only end up reinforcing their self destructing negative beliefs.You know, I have counselled so many people in my lifetime with regards to depression and I have always succeed using the above approach. In fact, many yoga Gurus says that to become aware of the plight of others less fortunate that you and to serve them is in fact the ONLY way to beat depression.
However deep a person’s negativity becomes, it is up to all us spiritual soldier to remain even more rooted in our own positivity to help them come out of their situation. I hope the above has helped you to think about how you can tackle your loved ones’ depression, and also given you some very practical and tangible advice on what you can now do.
Love,
Sanjib
This is soo good. Guruji always says when you feel bad/depressed, that day is when U should be openly asking what can I do for others. How deep such a heart would be! Sanjib U rock:-D
Great topic,we all go through dpression phase for one way or the other.n U have given 101 % true reasons of depression phase.The way u listen the person,who is under depression,by giving sound advice works a lot.more it depends,how the other person listens to U n follow U.U n Rekha ji,helping A lot to cope our depression.m so thankfull n highly honouerd,that i m part of your community.i wish U all the best.Serving others/means serving humainty,is kind of beyond from every thg.
wow…this was truly excellent Sanjib! Great insight…thanks
Wow !!! Excellent Sanjib. Very nicely you have explained how to tackle depression….. Let me share this with my AOL group in Delhi… Thanks
I hope i could have heard you before…..it’s too late now:(
HI Sanjib…a very pleasant morning!!!! How grateful I am feeling just seeing this question and answer by you…as this question is a MOST COMPLEX question related to MY OWN LIFE..and now to many other people whom i want to help to come out of depression…yes we forget what we have got ..yes we desire for things ,we desire for certain feelings and most of the time WE ARE SELF CONCERNED…as whatever WE EXPECT…does not happen…as GOD HAS HIS OWN WAYS
…but we get perplexed in understanding the ways about what we got , WHAT WE REALLY NEED…OR WHAT WE WANT…so what we got always becomes faint AND WHAT WE ARE NOT GETTING these feeling become strong and strong and THAT NON FULLFILMENT OF OUR EXPECTATIONS drag us into the DEPRESSION..and we dont even realise it.
..BUT WHEN WE FEEL STABLE..THEN WE REALLY OBSERVE THAT OH..WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE FACING DEPRESSION..and recently only i observed that SOME OF US ARE REALLY ENJOYING IT..as we get so many excuses by saying that we are depressed so we cant do hard work or anyother SERVICE FOR OTHERS
A HEART FULL OF GRATITUDE FOR YOU SANJIB..AS YOU REALLY HELPED ME TO COME OUT OF MY NEGATIVITY….and GIVEN ME STRENGTH TO FIGHT ALL MY FEARS…AND NOW I WANT TO DO SAME FOR ALL MY COLSED ONES AND FRIENDS…INSHALLAH…GOD BLESS US ALL WITH HAPPINESS AND JOY THAT IS BASED ON INTERNAL PEACE AND CONTENTMENT…LOVE…TO ALL…REKHA…
we have to tell them be true to your self.look to the present,drop the future worry,and the past regret.Focus on positives not negatives,give yourself to move forward,work on your self confidence and self esteem.Make a list of everything that you are thankful for now in your life.Decide to be happy now while you are working to achieve what you want and need .Enjoy the journey….
one more thing don’t give them sympathy they only need love and care
..go on loving him/her
with sharin his or her aal sorrows nd give him or her lot of love nd care……….nd give him the power of positive thinking……..it aal will be able to come out him frm depression……….try this it will work.
Thanks for the great advice.
only by true love and care.
we have to tell them be true to your self.look to the present,drop the future worry,and the past regret.Focus on positives not negatives,give yourself to move forward,work on your self confidence and self esteem.Make a list of everything that you are thankful for now in your life.Decide to be happy now while you are working to achieve what you want and need .Enjoy the journey….
one more thing don’t give them sympathy they only need love and care.
You are doing great work for humanity my best wishes are with you.
even prayers do wonders…..while doin r prayers, v cn keep d person in mind n pray fr hm…..so dat positive vibes may reach dat person….n rest,i think wn sm1 is in deep depression,he feels very insecure….so v cn constantly mk hm feel dat hes nt alone…vr wd hm…..n if he wants to cry,shout,or do any other thing……jus hold hs hand…and tell hm 2 do….ds mite evn help hm to bring out ol hs emotions,whch he must hv kept in hmself since a really long tym..he wl feel very light afta dat …(ds 1 is my personal experience..)
I feel the person should be left alone!if really reqd.then one shud giv some qualitative time to him/her n try to divert attention n talk n involve d person with other topics n activities–automatically the person will be out of negativity soon!!!
Part I course
Depression is due to low prana. So increase the prana level !
I totally agree with Ajey…it helped me 100% and I was back on my feet in no time!
How about helping those with “clinical” depression??
thats a very good question… at least someone is voicing up… i wold like to know too…how does someone get help from clinical depression and when tehy rely so much on the ones around them they just get dissapointed and might not even recover…
it was a really good advice really d article u wrote was very inspiring!!!!!!! thnak you for your guidance!!!!!
Hi Guys,
Thanks for all the amazing responses so far..please do keep them coming, I learn so much from you all!!!
All the articles I write are inspired by the rich knowledge of the vedic texts within our ancient Indian cultures. One of the fundamental beliefs of the scriptures are that every problem we face in life, starts and ends in the mind, it’s a viewpoint I not only share but highly endorse from personal experiences.
Back in my corporate days, I used to work in a pharmaceutical company specialising in mental disorders…the position gave me a unique opportunity to closely work alongside the brightest minds in psychiatry today. It was fascinating to exchange both modern day scientific and ancient spiritual views within this topic area.
We both continuously learnt so much from each other. In the days of Ayurveda, there was actually no difference between science and spirituality (in fact Ayurveda was known as the science of healing), it’s only today that there seems to be a discord between the two.
Depression around the globe has reached unprecedented levels according to the consultants, doctors would openly admit they do not fully understand workings of the mind, or indeed why certain mental dispositions prevail. Medical advancements are being made all the time, but solutions for handling depression have yet to be found.
Personally I am full of admiration for the tireless research and studies being done in this field, but when dealing with the mind, you cannot reduce findings to just clinical studies. Yoga looks into past karma’s, levels of prana, balancing of the doshas, positioning of the planets and so on…
Yoga speaks volumes around the nature of the mind and how to overcome various conditions. Of course not everyone may agree with everything written, but this website is dedicated to promoting yogic knowledge.
Sharing this wisdom is actually a privilege and also a duty to do so. Many people seek the counsel from sincere yogic seekers to help with move through modern day issues. Anyone who looks withing their heart, will find the answers to help another overcome their sorrows. Anyone claiming themselves to be an authority is coming from a space of ego…..I simply believe that if someone approaches you for help, one must always endeavour to help in whatever capacity they can. But there lies the beauty of yoga, I have yet to encounter a problem for which yogic wisdom does not have an answer.
Thanks,
Love
Sanjib
hi Sanjib ..i would like to share my own experiences to emphasise more on that depression is just state of mind….i know it is not good to open personal life with others but i think if my sharing my personal life depression and cure may help people then i dont mind sharing it..so i want to confess that i was under depression from the last 5 years just becos of a childhood friend brokeup with me..his friendship..as i was too sensitive i cud not accept this failure of my life..thogh i have happy maried life and family still i thought when i m so lucky in mariage so why i am unlucky in friendship…so these thought gradualy increasing each and every day..and i got confused more n more about myslef..i lost my confidence .i did not want to socialise i did not want to add friends neither on net or in real life..yes i did all duties of house wife but my heart always sad and questions in mind that why it happened where i went wrong why my sincere friendship shattered..and because of depresion i used to eat more watch television and movies more n more all the time.so that i forget my problems..but nothing helped instead i got so many diseases..one by one ..cervical spondylysis..vericose veins..every month throat infections..and once a corn in my foot wihout any reasons and other somany problems i cant even mention them..so it was like just on medicines all the time antibiotics..and physiotherapies.. and for foot i had to go for surgery too as no medicine or alternative cud cure me…then my irrtiations my negativity increased more n more as i cud not enjoy firstly mentaly then secondaly becos of ongoing regular diseases..so i did not like anyone i cud not adjust to anything..even i started cuttting my self from my own relatives…jsut me and my own little world of depression..in just three months back i was told my doctor that there is no cure and i had slip disk in 6 of mydiscs ..and just surgery can save you..so that day i cried and lost all hopes of my life…that was very important day of my life but i cud not feel happiness from any side as when u are in severe pain you dont feel anything any luxury or any joy can comfort you…in those days only Sanjib joined me i was not ready at first to add him as i was too much depressed and lost my faith in friendship word only..but GOD”S grace he did so much for me…and within few days effortlessly i started changing…feeling somewhat positive now….started smiling…and filling my sadness with care of friends i got from his group and friends..and slowly the love and care of friends i got made me feel better and that negativity or rejection feeling changed into acceptance by many…i gotso busy in helping some of my new young friends …reading articles and writing coment or invloving in discussions tha i forgot my pain and eating medicines…one day i realised i have not eaten medicine of any kind from the last one month..and yet no problem n pain i have now..as all i needed was to correct my state of mind that was distorted because of the rejection feeling towards me…as soon as this feeling of acceptance and love i got my heart stated again accepting i started liking me…even without going for any beauty treatments i started feeling that i m becoming beautiful from inside..and my smile only canthe best n beautiful cosmetic for me…so just loving myself that i m not so bad so what if one or two or three ppl in our life reject us…so what if we fail in some relationship..so what i cud not get higher degress or high profile…but stil we can get love of our friends and family just by thinking positively and smiling and try to make others feel more happy and similing…yes sometimen negative feelings come but then love n care takes me out quickly out of it…now i dont even bothered if someones says harsh words for me..i dont feel that i am so bad…may be the people who dont like me are not like minded…may be they dont understand our genuine thougths..so just thinking this it gives a great relief to me…and i am so happy now…and even i can say this is memorable phase of my life journey of illness to good health…journey of my negativity to posiitivity
and journey of my being alone to a large circle of loving and caring friends all around me…
and i m really grateful to sanjib as this journey started becaue of him only…otherwsie my depressive state was painful and disaster…for me and for my family..now as i feel happy my family is happy as now i give them strength and dont allow them to feel negaitve anymore…
so that was my life story open to all…i hope it wil give hopes to many ppl that just our state of mind makes a difference to feel like HELL or HEAVEN…..
Wonderful article…:)
All the best to sanjib ji and rekha…and all the best to all of them who help people..:)):)):)):)):))
Rekha I have read your Article on sanjib’s Yoga Club ..Omg Rekha u have realy shown the courage and inspired people to come out the dippression and see the rays of hope…U did spread love because you have seen a lot and i want to give you all my wishes for your life and god wil always be with you……:)..I know u always help people coming out of their problems and that makes u real and happy…we all want u to be happy always……till now i have seen u living your life for others and that is what makes u happy isnt it ? be happy ….
HI komal..yes thank you so much yes i needed courage to be so open and give insight my own problems but i really feel that my life is dedicated now more towards all of you though it was not so easy but yet i got fiath and courage from my love towards all and love and support i got from all….:)
Thanks for your wishes but i believe i m very happy now as i see that my sharing with anyone of my friend helped them to solve their problem to be with them and finding ways to sort out a solution and making them reach and push them foward towards their dreams and happiness…
and my dream is just that as i got support from sanjib to change my life i can also support all of you …without any partiality of any kind…
GOD BLESS YOU ALL…:)
Its strange, this is the same prescription i gave to a friend this morning, however i may need to take the extra step and actually take him to these places.
You are such a blessing!
Awesome!!…you make a positive change in people’s minds-hearts-lives once again….Messiah Sanjib!
It is indeep a great honor to read such beautiful words. First – we feel pity, Second the way it is written, Third – Will that I should also do something….. Thsi is definitely an eye opener. I hope I shall eb able to add someday here what I do in this regards….
Sanjib…the story of the children of Africa is both moving and inspiring…blessed are those kids. I pray to Gurudev that I get that kind of courage to face my troubles…:o)
Bless you….Deepa
we shud not get disheartened by setbacks ., by finding ways to overcome difficulty , we can learn to appreciate and enjoy watever we have..shud keep challenging ourselves to do something new to attract wonderful opportunities
..we shud also realize that success is possible only bcoz failure is also possible so wen failure comes we shud accept it , all things r interdependent like …happiness -unhappiness or success – failure nd they exist together ….life is God s greatest gift nd we shud enjoy it
…depression comes wen we think abt past or have worries for future ..so try to fill in today s chapter with happy moments that we can cherish ….
thank you very much sanjib. i was actually trying to find an answer to this and i have it now ! jai guru dev. keep going with such amazing articles.”
Clinical depression patients need continuous encouragement to practise kriya everyday. If the patient does kriya for 1-2 years, the depression mechanism gets eradicated completely.
His family members have to see that sadhana is happening regularly. Kriya brings harmony in body and mind. And of course there is grace of Master…. so i really think that rather than being paranoid about depression, we should focus on discipline of daily kriya.
An Art Of Living Course is the answer!! Gurus grace starts flowing automatically!!JGD!!The negatives move out and the positives start flowing in giving rise to peaceful mental state!!
good one Sanjib……thanks a lot for posting
gr8 words
I totally agree to dis..it also helped me out n was back again to ma life..guruji s grace…thank u sanjib
Refer your friend experiencing depression receive a healing blessing during the month of June for depression and anxiety. Love & Light Robert”
When I experienced depression recently, I did so for 5 days before I said,” Enough! I have the power to heal myself!” I start to sing the mantra LOVE PEACE AND HARMONY, which has been downloaded into all the souls in the universe. Before I could finish singing the first line, I became one with The Divine, and totally forgot the source of my depression. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
just to try love himself/herself first of all
I totally agree with all of you!!I have experienced it so vividly that now I would not want even a smallest negetive thought arise in my head, difficult though but not impossible…….Sab ka mangal ho!!
Thanks a lot all my Brother and sisters ……… Sanjib Ji, i hope nd now i believe i will soon be able to take my father out of depression.
Rekha ji u r one of d major source of inspriation
All that is said here is 100% true but I would like to add one thing that right thinking alone cannot cure you.Medicines play a vital role too.Depression is a clinical condition and a very disturbed person will never understand that so many people are poor, dying and destitute.The chemical disturbance(reason not known) can even cause him to end his life.But yes the medicines can gradually be left with practising sudarshan Kriya and a peaceful mind will be more receptive to knowledge and can even contribute to society by helping others with similar problems.I speak from my own personal experience!!!!
By giving love… so that he/she can start loving himself/herself again and regain his/her confidence… Love cures everything…..it’s the remedy of any mental diseases. Depression is only temporary…meditation and exercise also helps get out of it…….but love is must:)))))))))))))