Question – “I Am Unable To Make Peace With My Enemy, What Should I Do Now?”
By Sanjib Mukherjee
Question: I am unable to make peace with my enemy, what should I do now?
Sanjib: If you find yourself in a situation where you really can’t control yourself around a certain person, there is a four step technique you can use to help resolve your issues.
The first step is to unconditionally shower your enemy with love and affection, break down their negativity, and force their own consciousness to look into their own behaviour.
In my experience, 80% of the time, the above strategy will work. If it does not, then move onto step two, where you keep your relations cordial with the person bothering you, but show extra time and affection to all those around the both of you. This will pinch the ego of the person in question and persuade them to change their actions.
Should the above not work either, you move onto step three, where this time you purposely ignore the person giving you misery. Forget all cordiality and formalities; simply ignore them without ever reducing your own dignity or class.
If you skilfully manage the above three steps, every situation you find yourself in can be resolved. However, if all else fails and you are left with no choice, then, and only then, do you actually fight back. Fighting should always be the last option, but even when doing so, you must have full awareness and dispassion with your very own actions.
Intuition will guide you, and the further you delve into your own consciousness, the easier it becomes to make the right decisions.
Practice the above four steps; they have always worked for me personally, to the extent that I have yet to use the final step.
In ancient days, both a soldier and a priest would practice the wisdom of yoga. Yoga is not about judging what is right and what is wrong, it’s main concern is to keep you centred, and ensure you are always moving forward in life so you may live to your true and highest potential.
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very cool, you are awesome:-D
Very nice..beautiful one sanjib..good day.
Wonderful suggestions ! I’m sure they’ll work in any situation. If all the 4 steps don’t work, the 5 th step should be snapping off all ties with the preson concerned (this should only be the last resort ).
Sanjib……….. Step I is little difficult, cant shower unconditional love and affection to the person who you feel your enemy…
Step II is the one, I always follow, be cordial with the person and show extra love and affections to the people around….Let him / her feel the pinch..
Thanks for your small small tips of life !!!
Jai Gurudev
Kalyani
Forgive and Forget…and Move On….::):):):):)
If step 2 works against you then what do you do ?
one doesn’t have to make peace… one is already at peace with everyone… if the oneness is realized then whtever action or emotion arises for an enemy or friend, whether apparently negative or positive, will b perfect for tht situation. it becomes like a flow without resistance.”
If you haven’t seen God, you have to, first of all, ‘believe’ that God exists everywhere in every form that could be perceived.But if you have seen God, you don’t have to believe you already know this.
Next, as per above belief or knowledge, that whom we call enemy is also a form of God.
Next, if the God is showing himself in that form there must be some reason, because nothing exists without reason or purpose. Pray to God that you may know that reason/purpose which caused God to present himself before you in such form that seems harmful to you.
That could be to teach you some hard lesson or change some of your attributes. That might be to kill you as well because that is also the task of God.Enemy could just be the medium.
Once you have known that God is there in enemy too and there is some definite purpose behind that you will start feeling peace and hatred will start disappearing from your heart.
Important thing is to keep calm and keep praying what God wants of me to change and to see that we may not do something in revenge and in reaction to what that enemy is doing me to provoke me.
We should always act and not react.
If you want to make peace, you don’t talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies..
Just love your enemy.
Hi Sanjib… i wanted to share my thoughts on how positivity has to win over negativity…however strong negaivity comes in life…so i just posted a note in discussion tab of community forum…i hope our readers of yoga club would like to read that and can share their valuable coments on that ..if any…
thank you so much for giving us so many thoughts regarding different aspects of life..thanks and regards to all…
“Some enemies are recognisable …some ar not.. but if we really think that we have recognised our enemy…and in any case it is impossible to avoid them..then we have to win over their negativity…let them more show their negativitly let us more show our positivity
…at fisrt they wil win we will break ..they again they wil try again they will win…let them do maximum efforts let us keep our best possible faith…in us…some day we are surely going to win over their negativity and that day…they will be our friends only not enemy anymore…as i believe the difference between good and evil is just the difernce oe emotions that are superficial only
…as everyone knows that in our heart we all are same filled with goodness and originality but becos of upbringing and bitter circumstances we developed such negative or positive qualities in us…sometime we are our enemy ourselves..but when we win over our own enemy like bad feelings then why ccant we win over enemies…and make them our friends only… smile is the greatest hurt we can give to our enemies… and it is so difficult for them to have this kind of hurt and they surely melt with our heat of goodness in us…
however bad situation however bad the enemy is however things go wrong in the end only TRUTH WINS..in the end ONLY GOODNESS persists…and the people who have faith IN GOD…nothing is impossible for them even winning the enemies….
thanks for such a great question …
I really like to read everyone; views and get so much inspirations from all thoughts shared here…in such discs… and wishing you all the best wishes to win over your enemies and make them friends and spread happiness all around…::):):):):)”
my friend has got a status and i feel thats the best way to deal with enemies.. “love ur enemies… it”ll confuse them”
Most enemies are from within and at the end there is never any victory
Enemies help U to cleanse yourself. For example, when they hurt u, it pinches your heart and soul and then U are purified, as then all the unwanted matter bothering U from your past birth or in this new life flows out in the form of your tears. God bless:)
Step 3 worked for me I tried step 1 and 2 and as much as gave them love they gave it back with bitterness. But one day they will realise how much love they missed out on.
try making peace with ur self first…hopefully everything will fall in2 place automatically..
Goodmorning everyone … unable to make peace with ur enemy? U should first make peace with urself, our true and pure nature is peace. If we have love within us, we can give love
… if we have tolarance within us, we can tolerate…so if we have peace within us, have peace with ourself it won’t be difficult to have peace with our enemy. Guruji said … to love someone that loves u back is easy, but to love someone that hurts/hates/critizice u thats the ART OF LIVING (I don’t know this sentence by heart but I can remember most of it).
The true nature of our soul is all the good virtues like, peace, love, tolerance … we have made the “negative” things like hate, intolerance etc to our nature … but just like our FATHER we are peacefull souls filled with love
If we don’t want something for ourself we must not give that to someone else … if we don’t wan to be hated by antoher we shouldn’t hate other to.
Have a good day everyone!!! “
Read Guruji’s book named Celebrating Silence
good one Sanjib, thanks for posting
this is really a beautiful knowledge though i never have any enemy but sounded very interesting
I like celebreting silence and its hindi verson maun ki goonj
try not to have the feeling of hatred even for enemies bcoz all r God s creation nd shud love mankind ..if we get pain from any source we shud feel gratitude ..bcoz suffering creates opportunity for change nd sometimes in life we need pain nd pressure both to make us change for the better …
dats an awesome answer 2 the ques…
but instead of following first 2 steps, usually i jump directly 2 d 3rd one & stick 2 that only… cant go 2 4th also…
Dear Sanjib,
Itz true that one needs to find peace within oneself first and everything will fall in place! Also that one must love their enemies…..(May br these work for some!!)…but could there be a practical way to get to implementing the 1st step and actually seeing some change…some result ….possibly opening our own eyes to see something positive?? For if you cannot see change over a period of time, surely you run out of patience and actually end up even more frustrated than when you started while the irritant actually enjoys even further!! itz not as if we have our whole life to keep trying this with colleague,boss,nagging and poking-nose friend etc etc etc.
I find step 1 only encourages them to continue their rants ( you are taken for granted), step 2 and 3 sometimes work sometimes dont, i dont know to execute step 4 well as i believe in step 1
what should i do plzzzz???????????????????????????????????????????
Can you see what i am saying or is it just me??
Cheers
Sundar S
I think if one is having enemies he would not be able to follow 1st 3rd or fourth step.
If some one has ability to shower love unconditionally, by these virtues he will be far away from enmity. The best thing is that one knows some one is at enmity with him.
Namaste
Hi Sundar,
I hear what you are saying…. you know if you really can’t be friends with someone, it’s ok…just don’t be enemies with them:)
Situations are changing all the time. It will PASS. Don’t hang on to your dislikes Blessings Sri Yogamitra .
Thank you Sanjib, i really needed it….
what about people who love to talk about you behind your back…chuglikhors is the word..what about thse people wh dnt find it in themselves to appreciate all the good u do to them no matter what…
@vidya…its fine if sum1 talks behind ur back..u cant force any1 to like u…but definately one shud be civilized enough to behave on ur face…….live and let live shud be the way!
@puja jiiii I agree wd u
Thanks Sanjib
!! Well said mate.
The 4 Steps are actually gr8.. They so very true and we follow in the same way or a little modified way in our own life. And in case we forget the remedies our problems, then there are people like Sanjib who help us out of the chaos of our life.
Thanks Bro….
Just let it go……….
100% agree wit u…
If you have made a last attempt at peace and that does not work….that person is just not worth your attention…!Simply igore him!!!
what should I do now?
1.) The Best Way is to be close to his/her friends, soon he realizes that you have more friends, and he will be friends with you just to have friends,
2.) Also prove to him that you were better without him, making him realize that he/she was a bad influence to you, he/she will say sorry