By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Question: How Do I Cope With People Who Make My Life Hell?
Sanjib:No-one can control our life unless we allow them to. Freedom is all in the mind and so we must develop the discipline to take complete responsibility for our own emotions.
If you feel victimised, find out why that is the case, and don’t worry so much about how the other person should change, rather just focus on how you should change to rectify the situation.
Once you regain the controls of your own thoughts and feelings, how can anyone every effect you again?…In fact if we dig a little deeper, we realise the whole concept of hell itself, is nothing more than a figment of our imagination. When we perceive life to be bad, it becomes bad. When we perceive life to be great, then it becomes great.
How we feel on the inside is in reality what we project to our outside world, thus no-one can truly make us unhappy but ourselves. Ponder these words for a while as we are now moving into an area of yogic consciousness which truly is unravelling the deeper layers to the mind.
Within our very being we already have all the answers in life…..problems and difficult people are there to merely help us go deeper and unravel these latent truths.
Thanks Sanjib, you explained the same beaufifully…..
True, we already have all the answers in life….and we are the one responsible for each and every event of our life…
So, be happy and let others be happy….
How true…I have experienced this personally. IF u let someones else play with ur emotions, then for sure ur life becomes hell…but if u take charge of ur thoughts and emotions, believe me friends its such a blissful state of mind.
You are always happy and smiling….my Guru thought me this and I am so indebted to him…JGD!!
Love
Deepa
easier said than done…….to be so strong, that nothing can disturb ur peace of mind……ur joy….its very very rare.
even a small word, can create a big tsnami, if not out side, but definetly inside.
needs lots o sadhna and awareness to reach this level, to remain unaffected
this is what we need to learn!! jgd!!
fantastic sanjib……..loved it
hi sanjib-so one needs to explore innerself n change oneself -n noone can harm u-i suppose!
Thats a nice one. Situation does not allow us to feel ones innerself.
Very true….but sometimes due to situations/relations you are unable to stop others to intervene!
Very nice and Very true.
Yup. If one tries coping, s/he reacts. Makes sense to leave them alone and tackle systems instead. Rgds.
good topic….which makes us think.
very true.. fully agree with that …
We all have way to get out of negativity!
Agreed with sanjib..no one controls us..
believe in yourself and love yourself no one can enter in your life to make hell
for second i thought we need to get away from those people but answer is no..you no to face with your fear and make peace with it. =) Love your enemy…
Susan, I Partially agree wth u. Please try implementing it in broader perspective. Try taking all d examples from small 2 big, on a global level. Ask a raped girl 2 love the rapist. She might only forgive him 4 it/ not hate him, but not LOVE him as u advice. She can make peace wth her past but cannot live him. U may think of many more real life examples..
G’day, tk care!
I second sarika so very right…..
Sarika, case of raped girl is very hard. I didnt mean to her to love her enemy..But order to get over situation she shall need to forgive that person whatever circumstance and move on to life for her own sake. She doesnt have to love that person. She need to love herself for sure..
A very pleasant Morning Sanjib..i guess this is A question that i have been struggling to find answers for from childhood…and never found a proper answer for this…how to cope with the people who make your life difficult..or Hell..!!! your answer is amazing like you that noone can make us feel good or bad or no one can control our life unless we allow them to..
Beautifully written and a great reminder of the habits of the mind. I remember reading ” he who angers us conquers us” … Since then these words have been deeprooted in my mind. Thank you for reinforcing this extremely important sutra which is forgotten when handling real life situations.
a great article how many of us have gone through life with that thought
but as sanjib says if you are happy then let no one else hurt you
I have lived most of my married life with People Who Make My Life Hell?
I have fought back and althought I been in tears again and again I have never shown them my weakness and have become stronger and stronger. The reason many of them make ur life hell is pure jealousy and nothing more. love the person you are.
Thanks for your comments so far guys..keep them coming!
Tomorrow I will write about what you should do, when you are unable to love or forgive your enemy..
Thank you Sanjib for reinforcing this…….its always so easy to blame it on others,instead of actually stopping for a sec and looking within ourselves.We ,each one of us have the freedom to choose to be happy or sad in any given situation!!!!
Hi Sanjib…awaiting for tomorrow’s answer
In my views when you love someone than you fight with that person only……….. not with your neighbours or any other person. But but but…….. everything should be in limits and every relation should maintain distance…….One should be maintain balance in every relation…
yery true this normally happens and we are responsible as how we handle our mind and emotions,to remain centred at all costs and be happy and accept every situation as it comes.Many times people try to throw some garbage and we go and catch those garbage and then we get affected . your article is truly enlightening once again thanks and God bless u
Great topic Sanjib. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is more difficult when one is emotionally attached though. The knowledge and wisdom just fly out of the window
Hi Sanjib. Your statement is truely true. So many times we are getting stressed , tired , angry n bothered becoz someone is bothering us….. we are looking for so many solutions to clear matters up. One thing is for sure we cannot changes others …. we shud look in ourself how can handle the situation, be for pragmatic – it is sometimes difficult – but still we shud try…. no harm in trying. We are human beings, we have all will power (God given gift) to cope with things. why get entangled. Really appreciate what u have written. Thanks . Peace be with you all.
Hi Shaparak,
yes you are right, when emotionally attached, wisdom becomes very difficult to implement…that’s why yoga encourages us to learn and practice knowledge before an event takes place…preparation is the key to any battle..
Wonderful Sanjib. This was an eye opener.From now on I will be a happier person. Thanks a ton.
good one.
Consider every one as part of one self and that we are all the same energy.Life gets simpler and smiles become quicker.
Great topic!!! There are situations when we have to bear with such people , even for a lifetime. There are instances when we cannot react or express thae way we want. Like Rekha said, we are all normal human beings with not much control over our actions/ emotions. When we are not allowed to react, it leads to bitterness and frustration. We ‘expect’ too.. to be loved, recogonised and being given the place we deserve. Waiting for tomorrow’s answer, Snajib..
gr8 topic,n 100 % agreed with Rekha ji…sum times we feel so hurt……dat we just get panic,especially when we love sum one,expectations go high n high,its natural,we just cant ignore this factor….change is only possible,when mind is empty,leave n free your mind from all worries n tension,we need to leave every thing so that some chage take place…your life becomes sadhana…our life becomes good,even sum thing bad comes to us….we only need to change our perception,u can make ur life Heaven…
Thanks a lot for bringing up such a relevant topic, Sanjib !
Tell me, suppose a family member whom you love and who loves you keeps on making wrong decisions which affects you and the whole family at times, how do you react? In this case, the said person does not intend to make your life hell at all, but he/she does nothing but that and so adamant that never listens to the advice of family or friends. How does one cope with a situation like this ?
I avoid such people, go away.
@sanjib: Thanks for posting this, really needed that help, looking forward to your next article[:)][:)]
Sri Sri Ravi Shankar said………” Don’t be a football in others hand”.
All the problem starts from Love or Liking…….People we don’t know can never make our life Hell….
And people we know only make our life hell……….
Its all in the mind………….
Because WE EXPECT……….
why to expect that some one will talk to you nicely…….
why to expect the person u love shud love u………
We fall in love, because we look for security….
We love Money – Financial Security
We love our Parents – Emotional Security
We need a Spouse – Again Emotional security….
Why…Nothing is going to give you security…..
only ur inner peace can give you that security………..
Which will come only when you will start loving yourself……….
FIRST OF ALL – LOVE YOURSELF.
No Need of loving or forgiving your enemy……
As if you love your enemy they will again break ur trust…..
And when you forgive then……..you will forget the lesson they taught you…………. Does your enemy really matter so much , that u should discuss about him…. Do you really want to think about your enemy and make your life hell !!
Goodmorning everyone … well I think, that we should have goodwishes for everyone, especially for those who make our life a hell. We have a karmic account with everyone who is part of our life, if it’s a nice person it’s good fruit … if it’s someone who makes ur life hell, its some bad fruit. We have to deal with it, because we learn also from everything and everyone that is part of our life. So i think avoiding won’t be good, because if u “run away” from a problem, u will meet it again for sure, it will be waiting for u around the corner.
hmmmmm
..
Kick Ass!!!
Hi Sanjib
May be I was waiting for this topic to solve my confusions….. its true one has to move on with the time and not get stuck with the problems created by others. Even though we want to forget everything and come out of it t but what to do in case the person keeps coming every few months and keep disturbing you with the same issue.
@Sanjib – Thanks for the much needed basic yet profound skills that absolutely everyone needs at one time or another – i don’t think there is a single person on this earth who has not encountered this situation:)
Not sure if it applies in all stages of life, does it? Your first paragraph (no one can control our life…) ; cannot tell that to a child who has had a difficult childhood (and we all know there are far from “perfect” parents in the world). How would you explain to that child how to cope with it?
And sometimes it’s not just a perception, but a reality. Life could be bad! So, is it not all about our reaction to it, and if that’s within your control – one has mastered the skill
There’s a lovely book titled “the 7 habits of highly effective people” by Stephen Covey. He writes that there’s a difference between a stimulus and response. Stimulus is what the outside world gives us, response is what we choose…. the important word here is ‘choose’. We have the power to choose how we should behave to a particular action or situation. That’s why it is called RESPONSE – ABILITY! Have a nice day
Jai Guru Dev!
I think you should forgive, as it frees your own mind and proves you are “beyond the issue”, but you should also forget individual in question or better… run away as soon as you can, they won’t change!
1. Acceptance
2. Right action
Sanjib, truly enlightening and re-assuring !!!!!! Thanks a lot and hope the DIvine keeps on contiunuing this kind of special Tutorial though you……
Kind regards
If you stop to throw stone at every dog that barks at you, you will never reach your destination.
How do we cope with the people who make ones life Hell? Nice question indeed. Sanjibs reply worth practicing. But, if we believe in the rule of Cause and Effect, Newton’s third law, Rnanubandha, or Karma then this becomes easy to understand.
You are getting back what you gave in the past to the person who is inflicting you all this pain in this birth.
If you kill Paul today, Paul will kill you the next time – that is the rule of Karma.
Please read Robert Sukhboda’s Aghora III – Karma, where such effects are beautifully explained.
Once we agree to accept this situation that pain casued by one and endured by other would come to an end only with the settlement of the accounts of Rhanubanda,then we can understand life better.
“people who make my life hell” kind of people when does something actually burns so much of energy within us. Even a thought of that person makes me angry. And if you have to live with someone like that, its horrible. If we just keep on forgiving there acts, I feel they might take you for granted and bother you even more. I think we may not hold the grudge against them, but must have some kind of response so that it does not repeat. It is very difficult to continue to live with such people. Help pls!