By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Question:
What is secret to being happy with myself and others?
Sanjib: This is perhaps the easiest spiritual question to answer, yet probably the hardest act for our minds to follow. The secret to being happy with your life is simply to stop doing the things that make you unhappy. Happiness is our very nature and does not require any effort.
Think back to the happiest moments in your life. Did you ever plan or prepare these precious moments in advance? No, these feelings of joy arise from within without us making any efforts at all. Also during these moments, have you noticed how when you are happy with yourself, you automatically become happy with others around you? Again there is no effort involved, it all happens naturally. The pursuit of happiness is a myth, you can not pursue what you already have.
So the next question invariably becomes, well how do we stop doing the things which make us unhappy? Again the yogic answer is very simple; learn to control your own mind. Only you and your mind can ever really move you from you authentic happy state. Suppose someone was to come and pay you a complement, you would probably feel pretty good about yourself. Now 2 minutes later, the same person comes along and give you an insult.. straight away you lose your happiness and become dull. Why do we give others so much control over our own state of minds? True, we can never control what others say or do, but we can certainly control how we think and react to every situation.
Let’s take an extreme example, a few months back I lost my father who had been battling many illnesses for a long time. None-the-less, it still came as a deeply traumatic event. The fact that my father had passed away was something no one had any control over. However, the way I decided I was to allow my mind to react was something that could be controlled. Sure, intense feelings of sadness and sorrow had engulfed me with a depth of hollowness which I never imagined possible, yet having acknowledged these emotions, I still had the choice as to whether to become happy or unhappy. I decided to take the former viewpoint. Realising my father was no longer suffering from the many tribulations he was going through, and the fact that my faith determined he was now safely residing alongside my guru, gave me an immense sense of comfort and peace.
Speaking with other spiritually minded friends of mine who had also lost loved ones, I found we all had the same responses and managed to find our own paths to avoid any lingering feelings of unhappiness. The important thing to realise is that all of us will go through periods in our life where situations and circumstances will take us away from our inner centredness. These instances are inevitable and something we can do nothing about. Our feelings of sadness and despair are also inevitable and again something we have absolutely no control over. However, suffering is something we can choose to either entertain or reject from our minds.
Yoga has given us many practical pathways to learn how to keep our minds steady and stray from moving away from our innate sense of happiness. The paths of action, devotion, meditation and knowledge are well documented in texts such as the Bhagavad Gita and the Patanjali Sutras. Yoga is the art of bringing us back to ourselves. Once you master yoga, you never need worry about chasing happiness again. You fully realise, you actually are happiness itself.
I hope this post has gone some way to helping you answer your question. Really in life no questions of a spiritual nature can ever be fully answered. A true answer can only really point you in the right direction and help you to find your own truths through your own personal contemplations. Please do share your thoughts and it will be interesting to see what others think about this question as well.
Love
Sanjib
thanx Sanjib for the post!
I totally agree with u. When the mind is pleasant, so is the world. I’m sure it will inspire people to be happy and make others happy too
I have also experienced the same feelings in my personal life and I came out of that sad period. Yoga and meditation helped me a lot.
Now I know happiness is already inside me. No need to chase…lets make everyone happy
lots of good wishes
Munni Khan
Hi Munni,
Thanks so much for your kind words. Yes indeed controlling the mind is definitley the way to remain calm and centred.. it’s actually a lot easier than people realise.
Like any practice, once you start meditating for a short period of time it just becomes a part of you, and you begin to feel the empowerment and control over your life straight away.
I’m glad yoga was able to help you aswell in your times of need, I wish everyone could utilise their own hidden powers to help sail through whatever problems they are confronted with.
Take Care,
Sanjib ***
You are absolutely right Sanjib…it is indeed one of the easiest questions to ask but most difficult to comprehend.
because as you rightly said Happiness is one of the emotions within us werein we should be able to find it ourselves….
Also as the great Sage Patanjali defined in his Yoga sutras “Yoga is the restraint ((control,mastery)of the modifications(changes,movements,thoughtforms)of the mindfield”.
Upon reading your post it gives me a very positive outlook towards the journey called Life…as such I think all of us are aware of lot of things …but we need someone to enlighten us……Thank you Sanjib for enlightening…your posts are wonderful….Keep posting & enlighten us
Yasmin
Thanks Sanjib, love the site, much love
Charlie
Very beautiful write up Sanjib …you write really well
Sangeeta
very nice answer….
Charu Puri
It’s a True thing that everytime we live for others comments, when you take over this control to yourself.. your done. Lovely answers..Lots Of Love
Bala
Sanjib,
This is a really good answer, and I would totally agree with it. To further explain what you are talking about, I would also like to add that I think happiness is down to the old conditioned mind patterns called ago and once the ego dissolves, you automatically feel happy. To clarify this and what you are saying in your post, I suggest readers to read a book called A New Earth Create a Better life Eckhart Tolle who is also the authour of the Power of Now which explains everything you talked about in further detail.
Thanks
Sure, without question, there are lots of ways to be happy, more so with yourself if not with those in your environment.
Just need to look around, at the US President – Obama or Microsoft’s leader Bill Gates or Sri Sri Ravi Shanker, the Art of Living Founder or Oprah Whinfrey, the TV celebrity, to know that happiness, success and fame comes to different personalities in all varieties.
Similarly, it is those who have suffered through life’s darkest hours who are able to truly savor the bright dawn of happiness. The person who has transformed the worst of fate into the best of fortune is life’s champion.
If asked, I would give some tools. They didn’t feel like tools and I was using them as rules to start my day or part of my discipline and approach.
Tool 1: Follow a faith – Use a technique like meditation or chanting as a daily pill – a must in your routine !
Tool 2 : Take responsibility to deal with your problems – look for answers within and not without. It’s the shortest route since you have control over yourself and not others. Gita, Buddhism talks of Karma. If you follow them, it will be easier for you to know,why we haven chosen our place of birth or a certain karmic sufferings of health,relationships etc.
Tool 3 : Don’t chant or pray like a parrot – prayers should be earnest to reach the object of faith you believe in – doubts, like I am praying but I don’t know if this will cure the situation, are a non-starter – the protective forces in the environment will not receive them – and your prayers will be lost in the clouds of doubt.
Tool 4 : Be sincere about your unhappiness or to work for happiness – don’t forget about it after you feel good post your prayers / meditation / chanting or whatever – work towards coming out victorious with a seeking spirit – work hard to change the circumstances – If you follow a faith – be sincere and consistent.
Tool 5: Don’t restrict your prayers to yourself. Work for all those who need support through prayers, social actions, sharing of wealth etc. This will expand your life and as a result expand happiness.
Finally, if you believe in something, you ought to be encouraging others and sharing your experience with them. So make it your goal to do so – with a sense of gratitude and appreciation for what you have already.
Faith can move destinies, so unhappiness is a meek and miniscule part of life.
If Sanjib can deal with a loss of a loved one – its going to be a void all his life – so he can continue to be sad – he has not come out of it because he is extraordinary – that may be an excuse we may like to give ourselves in a weak state of mind ( there you go ! its all in the mind). Likewise, we could wasting time over brooding about what we don’t have, but it will not get anything but despair. Even your guru’s need your participation by seeing actual results of their guidance. They need happy and successful people around, for the society to grow and follow their respective faith.
Well, its not easy to just follow someone who suggests you to be happy or don’t be unhappy.
Obviously the unhappy soul is unhappy because he does not see a way to be happy. Such a person needs guidance on what path to take, ‘hope’ that will give him the ‘courage’ to walk out of his depressive state and forge towards happiness. Only words of ‘wisdom’ can encourage a person to seek happiness.
Who can show him the path or where does he get this much desired wisdom?
Well, I guess, that’s where mentors / gurus play their role – they have deep knowledge about humans and their delusions and can also give you that ‘chill pill’ ( by way of meditation, chants, studies of different faiths ) as a tool or technique to overcome your problems. They are masters in encapsulating profound thoughts / teachings in an easy to understand language. Therefore, they are humanitarians. Now, how qualified or good or bad is a certain guru will really depend on how many people actually get encouraged and follow him. If a person can cure your pain like a medicine that’s the true test. No judgments beyond that of morality / goodness can be of any consequence…
Even Psychiatrist or Psychologists, neuro therapists and their likes can be very good counsellors’. They have scientific knowledge of the working of the brain / mind and its effect on the body.
I have seen one thing common in all kinds of spiritual or scientific therapists i.e they only hear you out and show you the direction by giving their perspective or general ways to calm the situation – not the solution !
Infact, more often than not you will be encouraged to become stronger and help yourself make the choice of the path to take. And to be too strong for fear , too kind for anger, too happy for worry.
Let me share an encouraging quote –
If you light a lantern for another, it will also brighten your own way. Please be confident that the higher your flame of altruistic action burns, the more its light will suffuse your life with happiness. Those who possess an altruistic spirit are the happiest people of all. ( Daisaku Ikeda )
Pam Sanghi
Wow,
Anupam you have shared so many beautiful tools and given so much wisdom in your post. I feel very honoured that you have taken the time and effort to write such a piece. Do continue to express your views, I’m sure many people will benefit from your words.
Love
Sanjib*
Thanks Sanjib,
But pls don’t say that…you are the inspiration behind it. You have worked hard and created this amazing platform where I derive pleasure to come and play on it !!
Pam Sanghi
Hey Anupam,
That was really awesome…I really loved the way you have written..very interesting and realistic will definetely start using the tools(Words of wisdom uh!).
Love ….Yasmin
Thanks.Wonderful and creative!!!
These tools are simple to understand and to follow.
Many thanks for sharing.
Divyabala
I also learnt these tools over the years from serious practitioners, esp the buddhist societies…Its nice to know you all find it practical too and its not just some esoteric feeling for you… here’s to happiness…cheers !!
Pam Sanghi
No one is going to work on your happiness for you, so find the power and motivation stored up inside you, and use it to direct yourself into the path of true happiness and satisfaction.
very true Sir, as Gurudev says…Happiness is a conscious factor we have to pursue…Unconsciously we all are happy….
very positive post sanjib thanx for sharing
nice one… but I have a logic that goes as “Do what you want to and dont be a hypocrite”
Hypocrisy if practised with others in mind then its a concotion for sure disaster …
But if done so with self in mind then its left upto the person bcos thats what keeps them happy.
tension free and doing kriya daily is a secret of being happy,i am experiencing it
dear sanjib…it answers a lot of my questions….thanx so much! one always learns from others and their experience….and it is often in this sharing lies the key to our own happiness!
hey,
sanjib written very well…..
Thank you sanjeeb your articles are gr8 source of inspiration to me.
Stick to the present moment – and don’t make a secret of it
Come to me
Come back to your true nature, become a child.
Thank you!
thank you for sharing this …. ” Suffering is something we can choose to either entertain or reject from our minds”.
hey sanjib-one thing is clear-once we luv ourselves then only we can love others n b loved-universal truth-one shud b lucky and destined to have whatever he desires too–i feel–
Well said Sanjib.
Thank you for reinforcing all the positives/benefits of yoga practice. As simple as this question might be, and the fact that we all might even be aware of the solution, many of us do not know how to implement it. And that’s where yoga comes in – action, devotion, meditation and knowledge to still and direct the mind (as you mentioned too).
Thanks again for showing some practical ways which could actually be followed.
Wonderful piece of writing, Sanjib.
Yes. Happiness is our original state of being. We were happy when being born. Unhappiness is a disturbance caused that original state.
The difference between the two is that happiness, being our original state is permanent and unhappiness, being a disturbance, is a temporary occurance. When unhapiness strikes we are temporarily disturbed until our natural state of happiness is restored.
The only way to stop the disturbances to our most natural state of being, is to look at everything in the right perspective and to understand them rightly.
We can have a proper understanding only when we see the temporary as fleeting and so, not real, vis-a-vi the permanent as eternal and so, the only reality. Seen in this light, happiness is the only reality and unhappiness is the passing event that temporarily disturbs us.
Thus when unhappinesss strikes, we quickly surmount it and it fails to overwhelm us.
Amazing i just felt d secret of happiness with myself.. it is d love came from outside but it woke up d love from inside n then it want to go to outside to reach others..d feel n flow of love from within n unselfish feel of love for others..can make anyone feel happy…
don’t stop d flow of love anywhere..dont keep d love u recieve with urself ..let.. it reach others..d smile d happiness on others faces can make u feel on top of d world..n happiest man in d world….
instead of thinking abt small probs of urself think abt big probs of others..try to solve them..feel d beauty feel d love of nature…it gives a very happy feel…stay happy feel young…
Thanks Sanjib for sharing this vital information that is quite beneficial to everyone……
Nice article..
my goodness Sanjib i hv been askg myself this question over n over again…….. why am i happy wid myself n every1 around me n this morning i see this link here….wowwwwwww
wat Guru grace………
Well said Sanjib.
Thank you for reinforcing all the positives/benefits of yoga practice. As simple as this question might be, and the fact that we all might even be aware of the solution, many of us do not know how to implement it. And that’s where yoga comes in – action, devotion, meditation and knowledge to still and direct the mind (as you mentioned too).
Thanks again for showing some practical ways which could actually be followed.
I think we can be happy when we try to do our best (within our limits) about something that we care about. In the end, I know that I tried. For example, if I came to know about cruetly towards animals taking place, I would write a letter to the MP or to the local authorities and then rest back knowing that I did my best.