By Sanjib Mukherjee,
Have you ever noticed that throughout our entire lives we are governed by 2 simple phrases; “thank you” and “sorry”. Thing about it, someone may upset us through hurtful words, evil actions or bad intentions but so long as we hear the word “sorry” after the event, we regain our composure.
The same way, once we accomplish a good deed or produce a good action, our happiness is never really complete until we heard the words “thank you” flowing in our direction. Not hearing our “thank you” or “sorry” can remove us from our centredness and leave us in misery for days (in some cases even years).
Why does mankind give others so much authority over our feelings, simply through the depiction of these 2 words? Some may praise out of sincerity, for others they may speak from a very superficial level, either way we remain a puppet in the hands of the outside world. At any one time, we can never truly determine what someone will say, nor how they will react to us on a daily basis.
So instead of keeping our happiness on such a fickle basis, why not rely on ourselves to decide how we are going to feel. Whether we hear a “sorry” or “thank you”, wouldn’t it be great if we remained unmoved and balanced no matter what. A simple change in our mindset can empower our lives to an unimaginable level. Besides, surely it is much easier to change ourselves, than it is to change the words and feelings of everyone around us.
Absolutely… Its often that we react like a coca cola machine.. someone is pushing our button and we react immediately. Sometimes a bit faster on less pleasend news…and sometimes it takes us longer to react on something positive.
To become aware of what is happening within you. By truthful and sincere self inquiry – Believe me, Very Truthful and sincere..can be hard sometimes..cause how many times aren’t we thinking that we were on the right side of the debate? – I think that it is possible to become more aware of your actions, thoughts and feelings.
But i am wondering.. Are we really capable, and I mean 100%, to react… without being a coca cola machine? And suppose if we are capable in doing so… How to remain centred? How to keep the balance?
Is it really only by Self inquiry, Yoga, Meditation, Right food, Increasing the Pranalevel?
Anjana
Never Change your originality for the sake of others… because no one can play your role better than you… “you are the best when you are u”…………
What say ?
agreed sameer……..why change yourself for others………..
Hi Sameer, absolutely you should never change yourself to please others, that’s the essence of what I wrote…always be yourself and don’t have your happiness dependant on what others say… I’m talking about changing our mindset, so we can always be true to ourselves….
dont give ur remote control into other hands.have faith in ur self.
Sanjeeb, As always, profound thoughts. Very well written article. It reminded me of yet another article I read a couple of days ago. I would like to share it with you and other readers of yours.
The 5 Rules of Happiness – By Burt Goldman/ Creator of Quantum Jumping
You know when you’re happy, and certainly no one has to tell you when you’re sad. But what is it that makes a person happy?
It is important to realize that what makes you happy might depress another person. There are people, because of guilt, a feeling they do not deserve what they have, or a feeling they will lose what they have that makes them unhappy when they should be happy.
Possessions are a poor measure of happiness. Possessions are subjective and relative to the individual and the individual’s viewpoint. Instead, we will use a philosophy as an example.
This philosophy is about enjoying things you like, avoiding or changing things you do not like, and accepting what you cannot avoid or change by the skillful use of your viewpoint. The use of this philosophy, as embodied in the five rules, will allow you to test many problem areas in your life and find solutions. With this philosophy, you will be well on your way on your pursuit of happiness.
Rule Number One: I
You Like a Thing, Enjoy It.
Now that seems outrageously simple. At first you might say, “That’s ridiculous, of course if I like something I’m going to enjoy it.” But when you stop to think about it you’ll probably agree that there are many things in life that we like but don’t enjoy. The reasons we don’t enjoy things we like are (a) guilt, and (b) fear. You will not enjoy something you like if you feel guilty after having done the thing, or if you are fearful of the consequences of doing it.
Rule Number Two:
If You Don’t Like a Thing, Avoid It.
The second rule seems simple enough, but reflect for a moment on how many people are involved with things they do not like — a job, a person, a vehicle, a type of food, any one of a thousand things — and for some reason they don’t avoid those things. “Well, I can’t avoid it. I have to work there because I need the money.” Or, “I have to be involved with this person for many valid reasons.” How many justifications can you think of for not avoiding the things you do not like to do?
Rule Number Three:
If You Don’t Like a Thing, and You Cannot Avoid It, Change It.
Here again, the answer is simple: change it. But just as in avoidance we rationalize that we need something about it — the money, the time, the security — something is holding you to that particular thing if you don’t like it, cannot avoid it, won’t change it, but are still involved with it.
Rule Number Four:
If You Don’t Like a Thing, Cannot Avoid It, and Cannot or will Not Change It, Accept It.
Acceptance — now there is a catch. How can you accept something you don’t like? How in the world do you accept something that is ‘unacceptable’? How do you accept a situation that you’re not happy with? How do you accept a person that you’re not happy with? Well, you really don’t have to accept anything; you can, of course, be unhappy. If you don’t like it, won’t change it, cannot avoid it, and will not accept it, I guarantee that you will be unhappy. There are, however, five rules to the secret of happiness, and within the fifth lies the key.
Rule Number Five:
You Accept a Thing By Changing Your Attitude Towards It.
You are the result of your viewpoints and attitudes. Everything is relative to the person experiencing it. There are no absolutes — nothing is good, nothing bad, except as it relates to you. Nor is life good or bad. Life simply is. You change those things you wish by changing your viewpoint about them.
How easy!
How difficult!
Your attitudes and viewpoints are all part of your mind and once you develop the power of self mind control you will be the master of your own attitudes and viewpoints. Using these five rules you’ll soon find yourself on the right path on the pursuit of happiness. You’ll realize why people are unhappy. Eventually it will become automatic, and you’ll find happiness a predominant state of mind. Once you realize the ease of acquiring this emotion, you develop an entirely new scale of highs and lows.
Unremitting happiness, of course, is not a possible or desirable state. According to the principle of rhythm, there is always an inflow and outflow, an ebb tide and a flood tide. You’ll always have highs and lows — there’s no way to avoid that. However, your highs will be higher and your lows will be higher. You’ll then find that what is a happy state for you might be a state of depression for someone unaware of the Five Rules of Happiness.
Have a great day ahead!
Sorry & Thanx…..
I will Read your detailed Article now….
Nower Dayz.People Like Me Use these Slangs & Swearings….
write something 4 it also…Its our way 2 express our Feelings…& There is no Negativity According 2 me…Guide Us… Its Gud Or Bad….?
Take Care….of yr Followers….Bye
Hey Sameer……. don;t apologise yaar…your keeping it real..I love that!!.. I wish more people would be passionate and speak their mind like you….keep your fire burning, it’s what will take you to the top! I know where your coming from, it’s just others may interpret matters differently…. in a way it’s what I eluded to in my article, make subtle… See More changes to the way we think, in order to preserve who and what we are really on the inside… Always be true to yourself…thats the path of a one pointed spiritual yogi:)
Kavita….wow, thanks for sharing so much, please do continue to add your wisdom in other posts aswell..:)
hey sanjib -sorry and thanks are the words which we have been brought up with from childhood- we are conditioned this way…our ego needs these words from the people who effect us n r near us-can we become robot like by not gettin effected by these…
So True !
sir, majboori or desired ?
Hi Dilip…..can you elaborate on your reply…didn;t quite follow what you asked…thanks:)
so very me..Sanjib!
funny though…I keep receiving flak from others for the same!
Seema..receiving flak is a sign of enlightenment…that’s what I keep telling myself anyway:)
Sukasya Dukhasya na Kopohi Daata,Aham Kroti Urata Abhiman,
“SWA DHARMA” Grathitho Hee Lokah.
So True.I tried to change the people around me,then realised I should chnage myself.It is easier…
Sukasya Dukhasya na Kopohi Daata,Aham Karoti Urata Abhiman,
“SWA DHARMA” Sutra Grathitho Hee Lokah.
Hay Sanjib…1st time I read your 12-15 articles…..Those were very good…Amaazed me….U r a deep Thinker…..
Impressive..Funtabulas…But I know my compliments will not affect you …Reffering yr article ” Politics Gud or bad 4 u”…lolz…
R u any Speaker of “Art Of Livin” ?
Hope yes….Have a nice day…
Kanta…yeh its so much easier nah:)
Sameer….bro thanks for your words, who says compliments won’t affect me, keep them coming:) Yah Sri Sri Ravi Shankar is my guru, but I am influenced by Yogananda, Vivekanda, my departed father and so many other people….. really when you look around, you will see divinity and teachings
beautifully written. thank you
Thas absolutely true sanjib.Very well said.
Thank you so much Sanjib!!
it is good!!!!! learning never stops
its always easier to adapt/ change the self. trying to change others is far more painful.
soo true..a good read! ,,but to remain unaffected,,depends a lot(for me) on whom we are dealing with and what sort of relationship we have with them…!i guess extremely difficult for emtional beings like me!
yes ! i like this
that is rightttttttttttttttttttttttttt. yeeeeeeeeees,
Hi Sanjib..i was just going through your articles which i have missed before joining you…this article in particular i think so meant for me…as i am so haunted by thought of changing others ..as i feel so bad and irritated and angry when i see the lack of sincerity or carelessness or no discipline of time and duties or respect for some values as expected from them..and i sometime rrealy tried hard to change them but i think it is like an impossible thing to change people’s attitudes sometimes as they have so much accustomed to and rigid to bring any change in themselves..
Hi,
Kanta plz tell me how do u change urself ? can u cite an example. i wil b very grateful …… …
i just cant forget or forgive ……. what do u thnk whn som pervert does somthing disgusting ? do u say 2 urself ” I Forgive You” or wot ?
Plz tell me …. or any1 for that matter ..
Dear All,
But tell me, what if Gandhiji and other freedom fighters had not done anything, not brough about change, Would we have got freedom ?
Shouldn’t we do something to bring about that change ? Shouldn’t we unite ?
I heard about you from my cousine Rekha Malhorta and i go through your articles it is amazing. Mind blowing. I think we should make peace where ever we are.We can alter our lives by altering our thoughts.